


Kiss Me Hard Before You Go

by missberryisbest



Series: Indie Rock Sex Gods [2]
Category: The Magicians (TV), The Magicians - Lev Grossman
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Indie Rock Sex God AU, Slow Build, Slow Burn, abuse mention, ptsd mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-02-07 06:07:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18614680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missberryisbest/pseuds/missberryisbest
Summary: The love story of Indie Rock Sex God Alice Quinn and her beautiful girl Margo Hanson.It is the same AU as "I Saw You Standing There" where Alice and Margo are in an established relationship, I wanted to write out how they got to where they are.Settle in folks, this is a S-L-O-W slowburn. I warn you now, there will be some angst, BUT IT ENDS BEAUTIFULLY SO WE CAN WEATHER IT TOGETHER.





	1. Chapter 1

Alice was 12 the day she met Margo. It was December, and her parents had not thought twice before transferring her to a different school in the middle of the term. Apparently they “had a good feeling about New York” and therefore packed up their entire lives and moved across the country to chase the feeling. It was bad enough that she was a grade ahead, but to have to transplant into a new environment in the middle of the year,  _ heck _ , in the middle of her book report on Animal Farm, that was just cruel. Of course, Alice was used to being an afterthought.  _ At least next year I’ll be in high school with Charlie _ she thought, staring at the red brick building. Then the door opened and a brunette walked out like she owned the place. 

This girl was just standing and chewing bubble gum with perfectly curled hair. The second-hand uniform Alice was wearing felt extra frumpy next to the perfectly tailored version and Alice felt like a potato standing in front of a porcelain doll. Alice actually blinked a couple times, wondering if the beautiful girl was real. 

“Well, are you gonna stand there all fuckin’ day, or are you gonna come in so I can show you around before classes start?” The brunette bit out, arms crossed and foot impatiently tapping. “I don’t have all day.”

Alice blushed,  _ I can’t believe she said fu… the f word _ Alice thought. But then she adjusted her glasses and her bag, took a deep breath and walked past the beautiful girl into the giant building. “Um, who are you?” Alice asked, softly, when they were inside.

“Shit, yeah, sorry about that.” The brunette smacked her own forehead. “They didn’t tell me I was showing the new kid around until this morning, I didn’t really think this through.” Shoving out a hand and smiling, she tossed her hair over her shoulder. “I’m Margo.”

\--

“So this is the good bathroom” Margo explained, as they neared the end of their tour. “Hardly anyone knows about it, so it doesn’t run out of toilet paper or reek like 85 different cheap drugstore perfumes like the other ones do.” Alice nodded, her head filled with all the new information she had thrown at her in the past 10 minutes. Then Margo scowled “now, if you get all fuckin’ popular, and you start telling people about  _ my _ bathroom, I will be angry. And you don’t want that.” 

Alice smiled at the idea of her getting anywhere near popular. “Trust me,” she said “you won’t have to worry about that. I appreciate you telling me about your bathroom, I will keep it a sacred secret.”

Margo nodded, satisfied. “Okay, you know about the good bathroom, the place where the creepy boys hang out, the shortcut from the gym to the cafeteria…. I think we are about done.” She then demanded to see Alice’s schedule. “Aaah.” Margo proclaimed. “I wasn’t sure if they stuck you with me because we have pretty much the same classes or because my mom is the principal and so I’m doomed to always be here at the asscrack of dawn. But it is because of the class thing.” 

Alice brightened, super glad that she would know at least one person and that it was a beautiful girl who was brave enough to say swear words. 

“So,” Margo said, holding out her hand expectantly “before the tidal wave of prepubescent tweens descend on us, let’s head on over to English.” 

After hesitating a second, Alice clasped hands with the brunette gently, keeping her fingers loose so that as soon as Margo decided to let go she would be able to.

“Okay” she said. “What book are we reading?”

Margo groaned, tightening her fingers with Alice’s firmly. “Animal Farm. Like, how original, right? I think even  _ public schools  _ are making all 13 year olds read that shit.”

“Um” Alice said, blushing “I’m actually 12.”

“No shit?!” Margo said. “Well, then I guess you must be a real brain.”

\--

Alice was entranced. Margo had claimed her, and even told some kid in Math to “move his pimply ass out of her friend’s seat” with a glare that sent the kid scuttling to the back of the class so fast he forgot his notebook. Alice quickly grabbed it and ran and gave it to him with a small apologetic smile. 

But then she sat next to Margo. Margo, who smelled like coconuts. Margo, who shared her textbooks with Alice without a thought. Margo, who was smart but seemed to not want people to notice, which seemed ridiculous to Alice. Alice actually caught her erasing a right answer on her in-class homework and changing it to one of the wrong ones.

By the time lunch came around, Margo had casually touched Alice more in four hours than anyone else had in over a year. Alice’s hand was tingling because each time a class ended and they were about to go to the next one Margo held out her hand expectantly, just waiting for Alice to grab on before tugging her along to the next room. 

\--

She was scared the spell would end when they hit the cafeteria, but it didn’t. Margo dragged her to a table where two kids were sitting. Well, the girl was sitting, fixing the ends of one of her box weave braids, the boy was more lounging… directly across the table. 

“Alice, meet Eliot and Victoria.” Margo said, pointing first to the boy and then the girl. “One of them is the other half of my fucking soul and the other is my girlfriend” Margo finished with a smile, moving forward to kiss Eliot on the forehead and Victoria square on the lips.

“El, Vick, this is Alice. She’s new, and I adopted her. Which means you did, too.”

Alice suddenly tensed as both of the new kids turned and looked at her.

Eliot very quickly ambled up from the table and dropped into a bow. “I am so very pleased to make your acquaintance” he said, goofily bending forward and kissing her hand.

Vick waved hi and got up to give her a hug, but then she noticed that Alice had kind of frozen in place. “Sorry,” she said sheepishly, “I’m a hugger. I didn’t mean to make you go all funky.”

Alice could feel her face redden, even the tips of her ears. “Its, uh, it is okay, we just… don’t really hug in my family.” 

“Noted” Vick replied, saluting. “Let’s start over, then, with a firm handshake.”

Alice had to laugh, and making her face go very stern as they firmly shook hands, before they both devolved into a fit of giggles.

While they were all busy eating lunch Alice took some time to study her new friends. All three of them were so freaking pretty. Eliot was a little gangly, but Alice didn’t think she had ever seen eyes like his before. Vick was stunning, and actually let Alice believe for months that her hair was really that long before finally breaking down laughing and letting Alice tag along with her to the braid shop so she could see that most of it was extensions.

\--

Standing out front of the school waiting for Charlie to come pick her up, Alice was smiling. It turned out that the class she didn’t share with Margo she did share with Eliot. Apparently his dad and her mom agreed that Spanish was the foreign language they needed to learn, when Margo’s dad insisted she take French.

Charlie pulled up and she raced down the steps.  _ Maybe New York won’t be so bad after all, _ she thought, waving back at her friends and smiling.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I decided we needed a bit more middle school action in their story, so we are getting a school dance!

A few weeks later they were sitting on the floor outside their English room before first period was gonna start. Alice always showed up at school a good thirty minutes before the other kids, and Margo never asked why, she just opened the door right away so Alice didn’t have to stand out in the cold.

“So, you want to copy my homework now?” Alice asked nonchalantly, but her shoulders were tensed up, so Margo realized it is a bigger deal than Alice was letting on. 

“Why the fuck would I want to do that?” Margo replied, mystified. 

Alice shrugged. “Back in Vermont that’s what everyone who asked for me to sit by them wanted me to do. That’s how I made friends.”

Margo stood up, livid, and dragged Alice to their bathroom. “Now look.” She bit out. “Let’s get this shit straight. I want you to sit by me because  _ I like you _ . I want you to eat lunch with me because  _ you are funny _ . I want you to be my friend because  _ you are cool. _ Same with El and Vick. We don’t need shit from you, just, like, be you and we are fine.”

_ But that doesn’t make sense, _ Alice thought.  _ I probably just haven’t figured out what they do need. _

“Um, so you aren’t going to ask me to be your partner and then need me to do the work?” She asked. 

Margo snorted “Like hell I’m gonna trust that you’d do it right all by yourself, and that doesn’t sound fair.”

“And you don’t want me to write your book reports for you?” Alice asked, thinking maybe she was starting to get it.

“Well, that wouldn’t be very helpful when my mom brings up Jane Eyre at the dinner table, now would it?” Margo retorted sarcastically.

Alice started to smile, letting her hair fall forward to cover her face. “And none of you are going to make me give you my dessert when it is something really nice like lemon bars or cupcakes?”

Margo laughed and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Well, you have to check in with Eliot on that one. He does tend to eat his feelings, especially when they are cupcake shaped.” Looking Alice straight in the eye, Margo asked “we okay, then?”

Alice nods, once. “Yeah, we’re okay.”

Margo never does ask to cheat off her homework, Eliot doesn’t try to peek up her skirt or poke her in the boob, and Vick doesn’t constantly try to get her to jump by touching her arm when Alice isn’t looking. Which are all things that happened back at her old school. Alice legitimately thought that is just what friends did, like, this was how you earned the right to eat lunch with people. You let them make you feel like crap and say mean stuff to you because that meant that they cared how you were feeling and talked to you.

But this is so different, Eliot eats a lot of her cupcakes, but it is because he looks at her with giant puppy dog eyes and a lip quiver, and she ends up laughing and giving them to him. The smile he gives her is better than a cupcake would be, anyways. Margo and Vick do casually hug her, but they always ask first, and if she says she doesn’t want one, they back off. Alice has never had friends like this before. In fact, Alice is starting to think that she just never had  _ friends _ before.

\--

“But it’s the Spring Fling” Eliot said for the third time. They were all collapsed on beanbags in the library. They were supposed to be working on their giant final papers, doing research, but instead the conversation had turned to the dance coming up next week. The dance that apparently everyone but Alice had decided Alice was going to.

“You have to go” Vick added.

Alice sighed, “maybe dances just aren’t my thing? Especially since I’m a year younger than everyone else here. And I basically have two left feet.”

Margo was the only one at least pretending to really be studying, claiming that her mom might stop in at any moment, this was also why Victoria was sitting on her own beanbag chair, instead of in Margo’s lap. But at this, she closed her book. 

“Alice Quinn, are we friends?” she asked.

“Um, well, yeah.” Alice replied. “Obviously.”

“Do you love me at all?” Margo followed up.

“Oh ho ho” Eliot interjected, “be careful how you answer that, kitty cat.” Margo had decided this was Alice’s nickname a long time ago, though she had yet to tell Alice why.

Alice blushed, something that seemed to be happening more and more lately. “Of course I do” she said, looking at the floor and kicking at her book bag.

“Well, then you are going.” Margo said firmly. “We are all going.”

_ I don’t want them to know that I already asked and my dad said no, _ Alice thought. 

“But, um, I don’t have a dress” Alice said, finally landing on a good reason why she still couldn’t come. One that her friends would accept.

“Don’t worry, I have just the dress for you." Margo said, she looked over at her girlfriehd, “Vick, the red one, you know? With the lace. Cat would look perfect in it, right?”

Victoria clapped excitedly “Oh my god, yeah!!! That one is just right!”

Alice sighed, giving in. “Well, apparently I’m going to the spring fling.”  _ And sneaking out of my house, and lying to my parents, _ she thought. But then Margo smiled, and it was worth it. Even if she got caught, it was worth it.

As her friends cheered Alice couldn’t help smiling.  _ This must be what friendship feels like _ , she decided. Margo and Vick talked about exactly how they would dress her up, and she just sat there plotting out exactly how to get out of the house and back in without her parents noticing, or Charlie, because she knew he would want to help and then mom and dad would end up mad at both of them and that just wouldn’t do... 

\--

Sneaking out had actually been a lot easier than she had thought it would be. Her dad was gone on a business trip and her mom was out “visiting a friend.” Charlie and Alice both knew that meant both parents were out screwing someone they weren’t married to, but they pretended to buy it. So it was only Charlie and her at the house, and when that boy fell asleep he was out like a log.

So Alice was a little late, but she still came. Margo and Vick rushed her to their secret bathroom and in ten minutes Alice felt like a completely different person, her hair was soft and curly (like Margo’s), she had mascara and lipgloss on, and the dress was so silky she felt like a princess and it swished as she walked. Vick had brought a necklace that she insisted Alice keep, and Margo did try to convince her to wear eyeshadow, but that is where Alice drew the line. Margo and Vick might be beautiful with eyeshadow and eyeliner and stuff on, but Alice was certain she would just look silly. Like a little girl playing dress up.

They met El outside the bathroom, and they all walked in together, and danced and drank fruit punch and stuffed their faces on the snacks that the school had doled out for. There were even enough cupcakes to satisfy everyone, including Eliot. 

El was a great dancer and he made her go shake her groove thang on the dance floor for three whole songs. At one point another boy, Zack, had come up to ask Alice to dance, but Margo was waving at her from across the room, so Alice told him that she had to go. 

“Hey Kitty Cat,” Margo said when she made her way over. “I know you don’t want to talk about why you got here late. I’m just so glad you came. This all” Margo gestured at the gym in general “would have been shit without you.”

“Thanks for convincing me” Alice replied, hugging her close. Margo smelled different tonight. Her regular scent of coconut and something new… vanilla. The vanilla is new, she decided. 

“Now. I gotta change and head back home, um, Charlie is gonna be here soon to pick me up” Alice said, fingers crossed behind Margo’s back. “So go dance with your girlfriend and I’ll see you Monday!” She scooted Margo gently towards the dance floor where Victoria was breaking it down. Margo tossed a smile at her and took her advice, dancing with Vick so close that the teacher had to come over and pull them apart, breaking out her ruler to show how much space there needed to be in between them. Alice was sure the pang in her stomach was because she had just lied to her friend, and nothing more.  _ Just a white lie,  _ she thought.  _ I think it was worth it _ .

She changed and took the bus home, tiptoeing upstairs before collapsing into bed, her night complete. Alice had snuck out and back in without incident, and her feet hurt from all the dancing, but she didn’t think she had ever had more fun in her life…  _ It was totally fucking worth it, _ she thought, hiding her grin in a pillow. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of a time jump, but not much. Let our cute lil baby sapphics have one more mostly happy chapter before I start to bring the angst.

When Margo and Victoria broke up Alice was surprised about how big of a deal it actually wasn’t. It was the middle of their freshman year, and not much changed.  When Alice asked why they weren’t together anymore, Margo just shrugged. “Sometimes it is easy to confuse one kind of love with another” she said. “It can take a bit of time to sort it out.”

Alice nodded, pretending to understand. Mostly she was just glad that the four of them were still just as close. Just as kind and loving. 

They were all still friends, “the posse” as Eliot liked to call them. Vick just started sitting on her own chair and Margo didn’t kiss her on the lips anymore. Just on the cheek/hand/arm/forehead like she did with Alice.

\--

In general, their group was very affectionate. After a year of seeing and feeling that it was okay to be hugged and loved by your friends, Alice had stopped freezing in place when Margo kissed the top of her head, or when Eliot saw her and picked her up in a bear hug and spun her in a circle, or when Vick got tired on the drive back from the field trip and rested her head on Alice’s shoulder. She had even started initiating little touches. 

Reaching out to wipe away a smudge of frosting off of Margo’s cheek instead of just telling her it was there.

Hugging Vick to say hello.

Patting El on the arm to reassure him that he was still just as fabulous when he didn’t get cast as the main role in the school play. 

Alice really hoped that they couldn’t tell how much she had to plan out each time she touched them, but even if they knew, they never made a deal out of it, which helped.

She tried not to think about why it was always a bit harder for her to touch Margo.

\--

The posse had learned that as long as they made sure not to sneak up on Alice or spook her, she was okay with their affection. So they walked loudly, and made sure to sneeze or cough when they thought she might need to be reminded that they were there.

Other kids sometimes thought they were weird, but they never said anything in front of Margo or Eliot. So Vick and Alice kind of got the brunt of the teasing about how “all over each other” the group was. Strangely? Alice didn’t care. She saw those same kids flinch when someone set down their stack of textbooks too loudly, so she knew. She understood. 

If she wasn’t a part of the posse, Alice would be just as jealous, she was sure.

\--

So basically, Alice loved high school. She had her classes set up where she was with one of her three friends almost every hour. The only hour she was alone was during her one on one singing lessons, and Alice loved her teacher, Ms. Bigby. She saw the power and potential Alice had in her, and even encouraged the blonde to branch out more, going as far as to give her an old guitar “she just had lying around gathering dust in her attic.” 

Alice started practicing all the time, doing basic chord changes over and over until her fingers cracked and bled, but then she just sucked it up and practiced even more. One night her mom came up to her room to see what all the goddamn twanging was about, and while it wasn’t the worst interaction Alice had with Stephanie, it wasn’t great. 

“You’re never going to be good at anything artistic, Alice,” Stephanie had said, slamming her fist on Alice’s dresser and making the girl flinch and try to hide the guitar behind her back. “So stop trying to find some latent creativity and accept that your mind was made for math, and you're still pretty shit at that. Return that stupid instrument and start living up to the potential your father insists you have inside of you. Make our investment in your education worth it, for Christ’s sake.”

Alice tried to return the guitar, but Bigby wouldn’t have it. 

“Music is math” her teacher insisted. “Just math you can hear, blessed equations made of sound.” 

So Alice kept practicing, just going in to school even earlier and staying late. She just told her mom she was getting tutored, and Stephanie bought it.  _ Why the hell doesn’t she let me just call her mom? _ Alice thought to herself for the thousandth time.  _ It’s like she’s embarrassed that we share the DNA. _

_ \-- _

Because of the taste that left in her mouth, Alice was too nervous to tell her friends about her new hobby at first. But less than a week later Margo saw Alice’s hands, and her eyes flashed. She pulled Alice into a supply closet and quietly but firmly shut the door, remembering even in her anger that slamming it would make Alice's entire personality and emotions shut off, and not wanting to do that.

“Alice,” she said, grabbing Alice’s hand and looking at her scabbed and barely starting to callous fingers. “What the fuck is this?”

“Uh, nothing.” Alice said, blushing.

“Nothing?!?! Now, look, I don’t push you to talk about your home life” Margo said, starting to get heated. “But I’m not a goddamn idiot. I know what kind of shit makes a kid scared of touch. What has to happen for someone to flinch when a plate gets dropped in the cafeteria…”

Alice nervously tugged her hand back. “Jesus fuck, Margo.” She said, sharply. “It’s nothing like that. I uh, I just started doing something.”

In the silence that followed, Margo crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently, reminding the blonde of the day she first met this beautiful girl. 

“I’m going to need more than that, kitty cat.” Margo said, trying her best to be gentle.

“I, ah, just started doing something.” Alice said, flinging out her hands as best she could in the cramped space. When Margo’s eyes narrowed, Alice realized she wasn’t going to get to leave this closet until she came clean. “I’ve been learning the guitar” Alice admitted. “Yeah, I, ah, I haven’t told anyone, but I’m… becoming a guitarist.” She finished, starting to smile.

“That’s it?” Margo bit out, frustrated and not understanding. Then she saw how the light in Alice’s eyes died. “I’m sorry, Kitty. That was fucked of me. I didn’t mean to bite. Explain it to me, please.”

So Alice did. She explained how the music made her feel, and how when she was playing she wasn’t Alice Quinn - daughter of two scientists and sister to a genius, she was just… Alice.

Alice explained that her fingers seemed to almost already know how to play, and how the movement felt like a dance to her.

Alice explained for so long Margo turned a mop bucket upside down, stood on it, and cracked open the window so she could light a cigarette and blow the smoke outside while she listened.

Alice explained through their entire lunch hour.

“So.” Alice said. “Yeah. That’s it.”

Margo looked at her, and then she reached for Alice’s hand. Grabbing it, she pulled the blonde towards her, and she kissed every fingertip.

“You are going to be the best goddamn guitarist the world has ever fucking seen” Margo said, confidently.

Alice, whose fingers were still on fire and vibrating from the feeling of Margo’s lips against them, broke out in a smile that was brighter than the goddamn sun.

“You think so?” Alice asked, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“I know it.” Margo said, firmly. “I declare it to be so.”

So now when Alice was practicing after classes, Margo was in the music room studying or working on a project. And every time she paused or messed up, or her fingers hurt from the strings, Margo was right there, reminding her that she was going to be fucking amazing. So Alice kept practicing, and it felt like through the music she was able to be free.

\--

“Okay, I’ve found you out.” Eliot declared dramatically at lunch. “It is time for you to fess up.” He pointed from Margo to Alice and back again. “You two are lovers.” 

Margo snorted, Alice choked on her sandwich and Vick just whumped the blonde on her back unapologetically. 

“We know that’s it.” Victoria teased. “You are so afraid of hurting my delicate sensibilities, even though Margo and I are  _ beyond fine, _ that you are hiding it from us, your dearest friends.” She theatrically leaned against Eliot and they both did their best to look hurt and long suffering.

“That’s it” Margo deadpanned. “You’ve found us out.” She reached over and kissed Alice quickly on the lips. “I can’t get enough of this pussy.”

By this time Alice was pretty sure her  _ entire fucking body _ was red, not just her face. Looking around to make sure none of the teachers heard Margo’s remark, Alice ignored the way her lips still tingled and quickly drank down her milk, trying to clear her throat.

“We are not in love.” Alice protested. “I’m just learning to play the guitar.”

“Well that’s anticlimactic” Eliot said. “I was hoping it was going to be far more juicy than that.”

“I’ve gotta say, same.” Vick added.

“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint.” Alice said, sarcastically. “Margo wanted to tell you guys a couple weeks ago, but uh, respected when I said it was a secret. I’m just learning the guitar and Margo is doing her homework in the music room by me while I practice.”

“If you look up 'an anticlimactic end to a mystery' in the dictionary, they have a play-by-play of this conversation.” Eliot stated.

But then the rest of the posse, of course, agreed that Alice was destined to be the best. Eliot even admitted that he loved to sing and play the piano, but he didn’t talk about it much. Alice cajoled him into singing, and was entranced. They decided to practice together every day. When Alice told Bigby the teacher was thrilled, and declared her band room their official practice space and somehow even bullied Eliot’s dad into agreeing for El to take piano lessons from her.

\--

So basically, Alice loved high school. Until she didn’t.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, we have some angst starting here. BUT REMEMBER: IT ALL ENDS WELL.

Classes had just let out for the summer, and of course Stephanie had enrolled Alice in every possible summer course claiming she wanted to “better her future.” Alice knew that was a lie. She just didn’t want her around the house. Honestly, Alice was pretty sure that Stephanie just didn’t want her. 

Alice also scheduled a lot of volunteer work around her summer classes, since she wasn't old enough to get a job like Charlie had. She was doing any and everything to keep busy and stay out of the way. There was a library a few blocks down and the main librarian wordlessly accepted that Alice needed a place to be that wasn’t her home, and was very welcoming whenever she came by. Her name was Zelda, and Alice thought she was the kindest woman she had ever met. Zelda always had little tasks for Alice to do, books to shelve, kids for her to read to, and she even cleared Alice out a space in the back office just like she did for the other librarians. With a locker and everything.

\--

It was the end of June and Alice was muddling through, even though she missed her friends. 

Margo was always gone from the last day of class until the beginning of July. Her dad took her to Europe for a month. Every summer since she was six, Margo liked to brag. Alice and her messaged back and forth a lot, but it wasn’t the same.

Eliot was never around in the summer, and he was very mysterious about why. Margo promised her that he would tell her in his own time, and that it wasn’t anything too terrible, so Alice just assumed that he summered with the Kennedys or some shit. Someone so famous and such a huge target for assassination that he wasn’t allowed to talk about it. Eliot did nothing to dissuade her from this belief.

Vick claimed she had started a job and that is why she wasn’t around much, but Alice thought it seemed odd, since she had just turned 15 and couldn’t yet legally work. But Alice shrugged it off, and just wished Victoria well at work when she stopped by the library randomly.

Alice wouldn’t say she was counting down the days until July, when Margo was coming back, but then again, she did have a permanent marker right next to her calendar and June was full of giant black X marks.

\--

Margo was home!! And she IM-ed Alice an S.O.S. so Alice had gotten Charlie to drop her off at Margo’s house on his way to work, sneaking her past their mom. One thing Alice really liked about her brother was that he didn’t ask questions, just said “well, I have to leave in ten minutes then, to still get to work on time.” 

Alice was pretty much vibrating in place on the drive over. 

“Relax, half-pint” Charlie said, chuckling, as he turned onto Margo’s road. “My car isn’t strong enough to handle New York’s bumpy roads and your incessant movement.”

Alice tried to still, but it was  _ hard _ . This was going to be the first time she had seen Margo in over a month. Finally, they pulled up to the house, or rather, mansion, and Alice had her seatbelt off and her door open before the car had even fully stopped.

“Don’t forget I’ll be back at 10!” Charlie called after her. Alice impatiently waved back at him and ran up the steps, smiling. But as soon as the door opened, the smile died on her lips.

\--

Margo’s eyes were bloodshot and swollen, and she was very clearly drunk. 

“Alice” she called out, grabbing the blonde and embracing her. “Come on in and welcome to my hell.” Maro pulled her in and handed Alice a tear stained and crumpled sheet of paper. “Read this, won’t you?”

Alice glanced down.

**Margs,**

**I have to just say it before I lose the nerve. You’re reading this, so I’m gone.**

_ Shit _ , Alice thought, switching between reading the letter and looking up at Margo anxiously,  _ shit shit shit.  _

“It’s so fuckin’ good to be alive” Margo said, laughing bitterly and stumbling over to where a bottle of wine was sitting out.

\-- 

**Margs,**

**I have to just say it before I lose the nerve. You’re reading this, so I’m gone. I’m sorry. Dad got a job offer in DC and we moved. I’m sorry.**

**I know that won’t be good enough, but I don’t have any words that will make it better. I didn’t want to leave, but my parents... Just know I didn’t want to leave.**

**They didn’t tell me until after you left for Paris, I promise. Some bullshit about thinking a clean break would be better for us all.**

**We left on the 28th. Just two fuckin’ days before you were back.**

**I wish you were back and I could have told you to your face.**

**I wish I had the balls to tell Alice instead of lying when I saw her, instead of saying goodbye at the library like I was going to say hi again later.**

**I wish Eliot were here and not in Indiana so you had someone to hold you.**

**I’m sorry I won’t be able to hold you.**

**Forgive me and remember I love you. All of you. But especially you.**

**Margo Hanson, I love you the most.**

**I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.**

**-Victoria**

\--

Alice had read the letter three times, but she still didn’t believe it. She was so shocked that when Margo held out the bottle of wine and shook it at her invitingly, Alice almost grabbed it. But only almost.  _ One of us needs to stay sober, _ she thought.  _ And figure out where the kitchen is to help get the other one of us get sober,  _ she concluded, seeing how Margo was swaying from side to side.

“I don’t know what to say, Margs.” Alice admitted, in the silence of Margo sniffling.

“What the fuck is there to say?” Margo bit out. “She left. She left  _ me. _ And you. And Eliot. And the entire goddamn fucking state.” Margo's hand unconsciously pressed against her chest, over her heart. "She left me" Margo repeated, as if unable to believe it.

Alice felt that pierce her heart, but held herself together. 

“I know, honey” she said, softly.

**I wish Eliot were here and not in Indiana so you had someone to hold you.**

That was the sentence that hurt Alice the most, because it showed that Vick didn’t think Alice could be there for Margo like that. But she could. She would, she decided, firmly.

“Margs, come here.” She said, and patted the bed next to her.

Margo plopped down next to Alice, burying her head in the blonde’s lap and crying. 

Alice hesitated, but then started running her fingers through Margo’s hair until eventually her shoulders stopped shaking.

\--

“Everyone fucking leaves” Margo said, bitterly. While she was preoccupied Alice quickly used her foot to nudge the wine bottle out of her direct line of sight. “Eliot leaves every summer. My dad is gone basically every goddamn month of the year except June. And my birth mom?” Margo said, as her eyes filled with tears. 

Alice’s hand stilled in the brunette’s hair. Margo never talked about her birth mom.

“She gave me away and never looked back.” Margo said, voice so sad Alice’s heart broke. “Who does that? What kind of bi…. Bitch….” Margo started sobbing again.

“The kind of bitch who doesn’t deserve you” Alice said, firmly, holding Margo’s head still and looking into her eyes. “The kind of bitch who would leave you and not come back is one who doesn’t deserve you.”

Margo reached a hand up and touched Alice’s cheek. “But not you.” she said, softly. “You’re not a bitch. You aren’t gonna leave, right?”

Alice didn’t know what to say, the world was full of variables. How could she say she wouldn’t leave? How could she be sure?

“Margo….” she said, quietly.

“Promise” Margo demanded. “Promise me you won’t leave.”

_ Well, she’s so drunk she might not remember this anyways,  _ Alice decided.

“I promise.” Alice said, putting as much determination into the words as she could.

Margo nodded.

“Now get up and guide me to wherever the hell your kitchen is” Alice said, prodding Margo up out of her lap gently. “You need water, a banana, and some dry toast.”

“A banana?” Margo asked, shakily doing her best to joke. “Are you gonna give me The Talk? Show me how to put a condom on? Maybe using just my mouth?”

Alice flushed. “No, silly. You are going to eat it. The potassium will help offset a hangover. Speaking of which, we need to stop on the way and grab you some aspirin…”

\--

A good while later, Margo was significantly closer to sober, and Alice was feeling a lot less stressed out. She had gotten Margo to eat a banana and couple pieces of dry toast, and had basically held her nose closed and said “chug” to get the brunette to drink three glasses of water. Margo was currently nursing her fourth cup distastefully, wrinkling her nose at it.

“So, how do you know this shit?” Margo asked, finally.

“What shit?” Alice replied.

“You know,” Margo said, exasperated, waving her hands around. “This shit. The get-your-friend-sober-prevent-a-bad-hangover shit. You’re 13. I saw how you looked at the wine, you were afraid it was gonna fuckin’ bite you. So you clearly didn’t learn from personal experience”

“Oh,” Alice said. “My mom drinks. A lot.” Her face started to close off, so Margo wisely changed the subject. 

“Now that I have drank my weight in water, are we allowed to leave the kitchen and go back upstairs?” She asked.

“Yes,” Alice replied, hopping down off the stool she was sitting on. “But we are taking the plastic garbage can with in case you do end up vomiting. Your bedroom is carpeted, and cleaning stains out of shag is a bitch. Also, I’m turning 14 next week. Wednesday.  _ Which you know _ .”

\--

They laid on the bed for hours, listening to sad music and just feeling their feelings. Margo kept telling Alice about her memories of Vick, from the day they met,  _ she just came up to me in grade school and told me we were friends, _ to the day they first kissed,  _ we were twelve and we thought it involved a lot more licking than it actually did _ . About how Victoria was the first person Margo had told when she got her period, and how Vick was jealous she didn’t have hers yet.

On and on and on, Margo shared and Alice just listened. Margo made herself sad again, but when she reached for the wine Alice shot up out of the bed, grabbed it, and dumped it down her bathroom sink. So Margo just sighed and started crying. Alice held her, and did her best not to feel jealous that it was clear that Margo had loved this girl more than anyone had loved Alice in her whole damn life.

\--

Then Margo looked up at Alice, licked her lips, and crossed the distance between them. Kissing her. Alice was stunned, this was her first real kiss, you know, with tongue, and after a second, she couldn’t help it, she started kissing Margo back.

Margo tasted like honey and banana, but also salt. _ Salt,  _ Alice thought, dumbly.  _ Salt because tears. Tears because crying. Because Vick. Because Vick left. This is about Vick. _

Alice pulled away.

Margo frowned and leaned forward again but Alice shook her head. “No.” Alice said. “That’s not fair.”

“The fuck do you mean?” Margo asked. “It’s kissing, forchristsake, not an algebra test I’m cheating on. And I want to fucking kiss someone.”

_ Someone,  _ Alice thought, sadly.  _ Not me. Just someone.  _

“Margo...” Alice said and then just trailed off, waving her hands uselessly.

“What? You’re not gay?” Margo said, sounding curious.

“Well, to be honest, I don’t know.” Alice admitted. “But I know that when someone kisses me I want it to be because they want to kiss  _ me. _ Not because they are sad and want to kiss someone.”

“Jesus, Alice, it was just a kiss,” Margo bit out, angrily. “I wasn’t asking you to marry me. We’re sad, kissing makes you less sad, that’s all.”

Alice flinched at her tone, and gathering herself closer together, she pulled her knees up to her chest. “Maybe to you” she said softly. “But it was my first real kiss. From you, or anyone. And I just guess I wanted it to mean something more than a way for you to be less sad.”

“Shit, Kitty” Margo said, sounding regretful. “I’m sorry. I, ah, I fucked up.”

Looking at the clock, Alice saw it was 9:55 p.m.

“ ‘Sfine.” Alice said, standing and grabbing her purse. “I have to go. Charlie will be here any minute.”

Margo silently got up and followed Alice down to the front door, looking sad and frustrated and generally unhappy. Alice had shut off again, Margo could tell. It was like she was looking at the girl she met that first day all over again, but worse, because she wouldn’t even smile or look Margo in the eye.

“Shit. Alice” Margo said, “I’m sorry. For real. Don’t leave mad.”

“I’m not mad” Alice said, turning and doing her best to smile. “I guess I’m just not happy, either.” Alice saw Charlie’s headlights coming up the driveway. “I gotta go.” Alice reached out as if to hug Margo, but her arm faltered, so she just pat the brunette on the arm. “I love you, it’s all fine. I’ll see you Wednesday at the library.” 

Alice ducked out the door and Margo was left standing there, feeling way worse than she had before Alice came.

Not because Vick had left, Margo realized. She could handle that. But because she had kissed Alice and it was all wrong. Not because of kissing her, but because she realized she had wanted her first real kiss with Alice to mean something more, too.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note to my lovely peeps: this chapter does touch on Eliot's dad being an ass about him being gay. I wanted to be sure to let you know ahead of time.  
> Thanks for all your lovely comments, I hope you all still love reading this as much as I'm truly loving writing it!

They tried to make things normal for Alice’s birthday, but it was still weird. Alice was used to the slight pause before she touched Margo, they all were by now. But now Margo was the one pausing. 

Eliot came in for the weekend, telling Alice that she didn’t even want to know the hoops he had to jump through to get there, with a grimace.

“But you only turn 14 once!” He said brightly. “So it’s all worth it!” 

Margo had told Alice to leave all of the planning to her, which was hard for the blonde but she did her best. Charlie was in on it, as he was their ride until Eliot got his actual license. Margo had planned a whole Thing - and of course it was perfect. Except that it wasn’t.

Alice and Margo did their best, but when they got to their second stop at the cinema (they were supposed to see the new Star Wars) Eliot was over it.

“Now look” he said, cornering them outside the restroom. “I know things are weird because our gal Vick isn’t here. I wasn’t going to bring it up, since today is all about Alice. I figured we’d laugh, eat way too much popcorn and cotton candy, and then go back to Bambi’s and gorge ourselves on pizza and cupcakes while watching Dirty Dancing over and over. And then,  _ and only then,  _ when the two-am-sads have hit us would we all gather together and sob over the fact that our friend left us. But like, the fuck is up?”

“Nothing,” Alice said, adjusting her glasses anxiously and looking at the floor. “Everything is fine. We, ah, just miss Vick.”

“Bullshit.” Eliot said, flatly. “I’m a fucking expert on weird tension, and this” he gestured back and forth between Margo and Alice, “is so thick you could cut it with a knife. Spill.”

Alice flushed and looked up and then down and mumbled something about missing the show before bolting to “make sure no one sat in their seats.”

\--

“Shit.” Eliot said, watching Alice go. “Seriously, what the fuck went down while I was in Indiana?”

“I was drunk and sad about Vick so while I was sobering up I kissed Alice and now shit’s weird.” Margo said, blunt as always.

“You fucking did fucking what,  _ Margo Hanson?”  _ Eliot hissed, looking more pissed than Margo had ever seen him.

“Shit, El, calm your dick.” Margo said. “It wasn’t a big deal. I mean, it was, but it wasn’t. Except that it is. I don’t know. I fucked up.” Margo admitted.

“Damn fucking right you did,” Eliot said. “Shit, Margo, Kitty’s not like you and me. You know that. You can’t go around  _ kissing  _ her, we just got to the point where we could sit down next to her without her jumping. Come on, it’s  _ Alice.” _

“I know, Eliot.” Margo said, voice rising. “But I was  _ drunk, _ and I was  _ sad, _ and she was  _ there, _ and you weren’t. You weren’t there, and neither was Vick, and I just…” Margo’s voice broke. “I needed to not be alone.”

“I get that, Bambi. You know I do.” Eliot said, softening his voice. “But it’s Alice.”

“I know it’s Alice” Margo bit out. “If you say ‘it’s Alice’ one more time I’m going to de-ball you.”

“Okay.” Eliot said, sighing and looking up at the ceiling. “But it  _ is _ Alice, Margo. Our Alice. So you need to fix it.”

“How?” Margo said, tearing up.

“Can’t help you there” Eliot said, shrugging. “I’m not you, and I didn’t drunk kiss her. So I don’t know how you are going to fix this, but you have to.” Eliot looked at Margo and held his hand to her cheek. “Because I don’t think I can do sophomore year without you. Both of you. And Alice doesn’t deserve to just be sad-kissed. She deserves more. You know that.” He finished, softly.

“Shit, fine” Margo said, exasperated. “I’ll fix it. Now let’s go watch this stupid fucking movie.”

“Mmmm,” El said, switching back into banter mode. “The movie itself may be stupid but Ewan McGregor? Come on Bambs, he’s hot. Maybe this is the episode where he will finally take his shirt off...”

\--

Eliot and Alice were watching the film, but Margo was watching Alice.  _ Did I want to kiss her because I was sad, _ Margo wondered, _ or did I just want to kiss her and being sad was a good enough reason? _

She remembered how Alice tasted, a mix of vanilla cupcakes and the strawberry lip gloss Margo had given her at the end of the school year. Thinking about it made her heart beat faster, and she bit her lip.

Looking over she saw Alice laugh at a scene, illuminated by the lights of the screen. So fucking beautiful.

_ I want to kiss her again.  _ Margo realized.  _ When I’m not sad. I want to kiss her all the time. _

Then Margo realized that El wasn’t watching to movie, either. He was looking at her, and Margo could tell he  _ knew. _

_ Well shit. _ Margo thought.  _ How can I fix this when I’m not sure anymore why exactly I broke it? Or how I want to try and put it back together? _

\--

Alice had decided fuck it, this was her birthday, she only was gonna turn 14 once, and god damn it the awkward was gonna go away. So when the movie ended, before the next started (they were at a double feature) she reached over and whispered to Eliot, who nodded and excused himself to grab them some more popcorn. Alice took a deep breath and scooted into his seat, grabbing Margo’s hand to get her attention.

“Okay, Margo.” Alice said, trying to be brave. “You planned this whole day and it is perfect and here I am, making it weird.”

“Kitty…” Margo started, licking her lips. “I, ah, I do want to talk to you about that…”

Alice shook her head. “No, just listen, Margs.” Alice took a second, closing her eyes. “I know that kisses don’t mean that much to you. I, ah, I know you were sad and lonely. I get that. You and Vick were close, and Eliot wasn’t there, but I was, and um, you had just drank a lot…” Alice trailed off, tucking her hair behind her ear.

Margo just looked at her, silently hoping this conversation was about to take a complete 180, but pretty sure she knew where Alice was going with this.

“So, let’s forget about it.” Alice said, smiling brightly. “Eliot is only here for the weekend, somehow you convinced Stephanie, I mean,  _ my mom _ , to let me stay at your house overnight. You put all of this together” Alice gestured around. “I mean, I don’t know how you found a cinema that was playing Revenge of the Sith and then also Bewitched, but you did it.”

_ They didn’t want to,  _ Margo thought to herself. _ I had to get my dad to pay for it. It took my entire summer’s worth of allowance. But it was worth it. For you.  _

“But, yeah, let’s just move on, for real.” Alice said. “Let’s eat all the popcorn and the cotton candy and drink so much soda we can’t sleep, and then when we get to your house we’ll make Eliot take turns dancing out Swayze’s dances with us. Shit, I’ve been babbling, I, ah, what do you think?”

\--

Margo swallowed and smiled tightly. Shoved all she was feeling behind her armor. 

“Took the words right out of my mouth” Margo said, breezily. She reached out and gently adjusted Alice’s glasses, which had somehow gotten crooked during their conversation. Looking past the blonde, Margo saw Eliot coming back, with popcorn and cotton candy. He looked at her questioningly, starting to smile. Margo gently shook her head, patted Alice’s cheek and waved Eliot back over. El nodded, coming back up and joshing Alice gently about stealing his seat before gracefully stepping over her and settling in the seat she had abandoned.

\--

With all that sorted, Alice was certain that this was the best birthday party she had ever had. She made sure not to let Eliot and Margo know, but it was actually the first birthday party she had had since she was about 6. Stephanie thought parties were only for small children, and Alice was amazed that Margo had pulled it together, and that Eliot was there. During their two-am-sads rather than crying about Vick, Eliot declared that they each had to share a terrible secret. "Something no one outside this room knows" he said, using a flashlight to light his face spookily. "I'll go first: My parents..... own a farm in Indiana and that's where I go every summer."

Alice looked at him, mouth open. "No. Fucking. Way." 

"You have to take this to your grave, Alice" he said, seriously. "My reputation and future depend on people not knowing."

"I won't tell a single soul." Alice promised, feeling lucky that he trusted her enough to share the information. 

Margo laughed. "Sorry, El. Not good enough. I already knew that."

"You're right" Eliot said, agreeably. "You two go and I'll think of something better."

Margo sat and thought, and then nodded, knowing what she was going to say. "My birth mom sent me a letter a year ago and I haven't opened it, but I can't make myself throw it away. It's over there in that drawer." She pointed at her vanity table.

"MARGO!!" El and Alice chorused.

"Why haven't you opened it?" Alice asked.

"I'm afraid she says in it that she never wanted me" Margo admitted.

"Bullshit!" Alice declared. 

"Agreed, Kitty." Eliot chimed in. "No matter how little you were, there's no way she didn't want you. You're _you,_ for christ's sake."

"How about this," Alice said, thoughtfully. "You pick a day. Not today, but some day. And Eliot and I will both be here. And we open it together."

Margo smiled. "That actually sounds really nice." She said. "Maybe once school starts." 

Noticing that Margo wanted to move on for now, Eliot spoke. "Okay, birthday girl, your turn" he clicked his flashlight on and off several times in Alice's direction.

"I don't have that many secrets" Alice said, softly.

Margo snorted. "Kitty, we've known you for almost two years and I still don't even know your middle name."

"Until tonight I didn't know you were really human and not a robot this whole time" Eliot added. "but now I can see that you indeed are able to stay over at another house and don't use the night hours to plug into your charging base."

Alice sighed, flopping back and staring up at the ceiling. "Okay" she said, quietly. "Here it goes." Wrinkling up her face, she blurted out. "I _hate_ math." 

They all giggled. "Oh wow," Margo said. "What a revelation."

"Hey" Alice protested, "if you were Steph... I mean, my mom? That would be the most terrible sentence I could ever say to you!!"

They collapsed in a pile, laughing. 

"I've got it!" Eliot said, sobering. "I know the real secret that neither of you could possibly guess."

"Mhm" Margo murmured, trying not to think about the fact that Alice's head was currently resting on her stomach. "Blow us away, El."

"Don't think you can top my revelation" Alice added, smiling and unconsciously rubbing her face against the fluffy material of Margo's pajama set.

"Brace yourselves, ladies......" Eliot tapped out a drumroll on his thighs. Then his face changed, and he hesitated to go on. "I'm gay, my dad just found out. He got, ah, really REALLY angry. And now I would rather die than go back home to him on Sunday." 

Alice and Margo stilled. "Eliot," Margo said, serious. "Shit."

He started to cry. "My mom told me that if I can figure out a way to stay in the city, I should."

"We'll figure something out," Alice said, running her hand through the boy's hair. 

"Yeah" Margo said. "We'll just tell my step mom you aren't safe back home and make the room you used over Christmas break yours for keeps. She already hinted when you left then that she wasn't going to pack the room up just in case."

"Really?" Eliot asked, sniffling. "You'd do that?"

"Consider it done." Margo firmly stated. 

"I fucking love you. Both of you" Eliot said. "I love you so much."

"And I love you" Alice said, and not knowing what else to say she just wrapped her arms around Eliot and hugged him tighter than she ever had before. "Both of you." She added, looking past Eliot's shoulder at Margo. "I mean, you're my best friends."

Margo hesitated for a second, but then wrapped her arms around El's other side. "I love you, too."

"Okay" Eliot said, joking to break the mood. "Both of you need to remember that the first part of my dark and secret revelation to you was that I was gay."

Laughing they separated, but only slightly. "Yeah, yeah, yeah" she said. "Then let's all oogle at Swayze together." Margo rewound Dirty Dancing and pressed play once more. 

Alice settled in on one side of Eliot, and Margo on the other. Sleepily they watched the movie until first Alice and then Eliot fell asleep. As soon as she was sure they had passed out Margo got up and went to sort out the details with her mom. Thankfully, Eliot's mom had already called and Mrs. Hanson was aware of the situation. The maid had cleaned the room while they were gone at the movies, and El's clothes and belongings would be sent along by the end of next week.

Satisfied, Margo went back upstairs. She couldn't help it, she had to stop and look at Alice.

Alice was fucking beautiful, of course, but Margo decided that she looked cold. So she went and got an extra blanket and gently covered the blonde, which made Alice smile in her sleep.

Then Margo crawled into the giant bed next to Eliot, finally feeling like she could sleep. When Margo Hanson says something is done, she doesn't rest until it is. 


	6. Chapter 6

Alice was in her lap, and they were kissing. Alice was wearing a skirt which made Margo very happy, because it was so easy to slide her hands up from the blonde’s knees to her thighs, so soft and just as smooth as cream. Alice let out a little giggle against Margo’s mouth.

“That tickles” she said. 

Margo inched her hands higher slowly, tracing Alice’s inner thigh. She caught Alice’s gasp between her teeth and tilted her head to get better access to her neck, biting first and then kissing gently over the bite to soothe. Alice ground down against Margo, impatiently looking for something, she wasn’t sure what, she just knew that it required  _ friction _ .

“Well” Margo murmured, “remember that at any moment you can tell me to stop.” She palmed Alice’s core, roughly, over her white cotton panties. 

Alice’s breath caught in her throat. “Don’t you fucking dare” she said, reaching out and giving in to her urge to touch and kiss Margo everywhere her caramel skin was visible.

_ So innocent. _ Margo thought. Then Alice’s hips started to move against her hand. Margo smiled and kissed along her clavicle.  _ Not for much longer. _

“Fuck” Margo said, sitting up, suddenly  _ very  _ awake. Realizing how fucking on fire her whole body was, she groaned and reached in her drawer for her vibrator. “Not fucking again” she said into her pillow, before settling in to take care of her needs. Firmly envisioning Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny making out, Mulder ripping open the front of Scully’s pantsuit.  _ Yeah, just like that _ . She was most definitely not going to think at all about a certain blonde that smelled like vanilla and tasted like strawberries….

\--

Sophomore year was going to be great. Alice was determined. Zelda had worked out a schedule with her so she could keep volunteering at the library, which made Alice feel happy. Made her feel wanted. She had started writing songs with Eliot in August and they played and sang them for Bigby who clapped her hands and said they were gonna blow up one day, she could see it.

This made them both blush, but Margo just called out from where she was sitting and reading her AP Lit book “dibs on being your manager!”

\--

Then November came and everything went to fucking shit. Charlie drove her to school on the eve of his birthday. He was acting kind of weird so Alice decided to give him his gift early. She reached into her backpack and pulled out the CD she had mixed for him. It had all of his favorite songs on it, and a note she had written and signed solemnly promising that for the next thirty days he could play whichever songs he wanted and she wouldn’t bitch at all. But strangely, even tho he always gave her shit about bitching, he just reached over and hugged her once they got to school. And kissed the top of her head, saying he loved her. It was fucking weird. They never said that shit out loud, unless Stephanie was on a bender, or they needed help putting ice on a fresh bruise.  _ I love you _ always meant something was wrong. 

Alice shrugged it off, and by the time classes were over he was mostly back to normal. They blasted Simple Minds the whole way home, both of them singing at the top of their lungs. When she looked back at it, Alice could never decide if she would change the way they spent that drive. If they should have spoken, said deep words, or if it was best that it all ended with them singing and laughing. Because when they got back to the house Alice jumped out right away to walk to the library.

“You know I could have just dropped you off there” Charlie said. “If I knew you were going to leave right away. I guess I was hoping we could make a cake or something, you know, like we used to.”

Alice laughed. “Go hang out with friends your own age” she teased. “It would be way weird for you to spend your last night of being 17 with your kid sister. We can make a cake tomorrow.”

Charlie paused, but then smiled. “You’re right.” He agreed. “Tomorrow.” He looked at her, and then suddenly jumped out of the car and ran to hug her really tight. “I love you, smalls.” He mumbled into her hair. “Be safe.” 

_ Smalls? _ Alice thought to herself.  _ He hasn’t called me that in years. _ “Love you too, bigs.” She replied, shaking off the weirdness by assuming he just had the birthday blues. 

Alice always regretted not calling Zelda and cancelling that afternoon. If she could go back in time she’d scream at herself to make that goddamn cake. Just so she could take it and smash Charlie’s stupid fuckin’ face into it.

Because she didn’t see him that night when she got home and went to bed, and in the morning, he was gone.

\--

“He just left?” Eliot asked, sitting behind the gym with Alice and Margo, all of them smoking cigarettes before class.

“Yep.” Alice said. “Didn’t even say goodbye. I woke up and my dad was at sitting at the table, and you know what he said?” Alice did her best imitation of her father. “Your brother decided to finish out the school year online, according to the papers he left. So I’ll be driving you to school. Also, he’s gone.”

Margo winced. “Shit. I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Why be sorry?” Alice asked, bitterly. “It’s not like he’s my only brother and one of my closest friends.” Alice curled up into herself, staring off into the distance and angrily wiping away tears.

Eliot and Margo shared a glance. “Okay.” Eliot said. “It is clear that you need alcohol.”

“A lot of it” Margo added. “So I’m going to bully your mom into letting you come for the weekend again, okay?”

Alice sighed. “You know? I think you might actually be right.”

Margo and Eliot didn’t know it, they really were doing their best to help, in the only way they knew how. But that first weekend of drinking became the start of a very dark time in the life of Alice Quinn. 

\--

_ There’s one good thing about having a lush for a mother and an emotionally absent father. _ Alice thought lazily, months later.  _ It’s easy as fuck to steal alcohol from her, and as long as I show up for dinner on time he either doesn’t notice or doesn’t give a shit about how buzzed I am. _ She laughed, taking another sip of her stolen rum.  _ But then again, he doesn’t notice the bruises, either. Even the month I wore tank tops to the table so he could see.  _ It hadn’t done anything good, just made Stephanie more angry and all her dad said was that the tank top was too revealing for a girl with a chest like hers.

Her phone rang, and Alice saw that it was Margo. Too drunk to be able to talk without slurring, and not ready to hear another lecture, Alice sent her to voicemail. But then she heard an angry voice right outside her window. “That’s  _ fucking _ it, Alice Quinn.”

_ Shit,  _ Alice thought.  _ How fucking drunk am I right now, am I hearing things?  _ But when she got up and looked out the window, Margo’s face was right there. 

“Open this goddamn window or I swear to fuck I will break it” Margo said, brandishing a rock in one hand as she delicately balanced in the tree with the other.

“What the fuck” Alice said, disbelieving. But she opened the window and helped the brunette in. 

“Okay” Margo said, once she had straightened out. “We need to sort some shit out. Sit the fuck down.”

“Why yes, Margo, feel free to come in” Alice said, sarcastically. “Yes, Margo, it is completely normal for you to ignore my personal boundaries and come into my room through the window. Margo, thank you so so much for being so kind to me…” she was starting to wind up more and more but she stopped when Margo stalked forward.

“Alice. Quinn.” Margo said, angrily. “Sit the fucking fuck down.”

Alice sat.

\--

Margo was pacing back and forth, pissed. “So the thing is, I have two friends. Eliot and you. Except for the past few months, I’ve only had one friend. Because you might show up to school, but  _ you  _ aren’t there _.  _ And I fucking miss you.”

Alice sighed and threw herself back on the bed. “Way to make it about you, Margo.” she said.

“Alice, you will shut the fuck up and listen to me” Margo said. “I have shit to say. When I’m done, then you can say your shit. No interrupting.”

Alice cocked an eyebrow. “Fine,” she said. “Proceed.” Alice waved grandly, fully aware that the alcohol streaming through her was making her far more cocky than she otherwise would have been.

“This _ is  _ about you,” Margo said, sitting down. “But it also isn’t. Because it isn’t just you, Alice. I promise.” Margo leaned forward, looking at Alice intently. “It isn’t just you, even if it feels that way. You have me, you have Eliot. Fuck, fuckin’ Zelda called me last week to see how you were doing. Bigby is basically wasting away without you to shower attention on.” Margo looked up. “I get it, okay? I mean, like with Vick…” Margo’s eyes filled with tears.

Alice started to feel bad, but she shoved it down. “This isn’t anything like Vick.” Alice stated. “Her parents  _ made _ her leave. She wrote you a goddamn  _ love letter. _ Charlie didn’t even say goodbye.”

“Fine” Margo replied. “Then it’s like my birth mom. But at least Charlie told you he loved you, she never did that.”

“We only said I love you when we needed to check each other’s rib cage to see if they were just bruised or if this time Stephanie cracked a rib” Alice growled out. “My fucking life isn’t anything like yours, Margo. No one has ever noticed you were in a room and threw a fucking coffee mug at your head instead of just asking you to leave.” Alice covered her mouth, shocked. She hadn’t said any of this out loud before. 

Margo looked at her, so much love in her eyes Alice couldn’t handle it and she rolled over and shoved her face into a pillow, starting to cry. “The only person who got it was Charlie” Alice said around her sobs. “And he left. He fucking  _ left me here  _ to deal with it  _ alone. _ ”

Margo climbed into bed and hugged Alice tight. “You aren’t alone, Alice Quinn.” She promised. “Not today, tomorrow, or ever. I’m here. Eliot is literally waiting outside in a car because we figured both of us sneaking in would be too noticeable.” Margo tugged at Alice until she raised her head. Margo grabbed her face between her two hands firmly. “I promise, Alice. I promise. You are  _ never _ fucking alone.”

Alice sniffled, but she looked Margo in the eyes. “You promise?” She said shakily.

“I fucking vow.” Margo replied.

\--

Margo stayed with her that night. Most nights after, for the next couple weeks, either Eliot or Margo was there. Sometimes they stayed overnight, sometimes they didn’t, but they did their best to really show Alice that she wasn’t alone. Margo finally just bullied Stephanie into accepting that three nights of the week Alice would be at her house, and when Mrs. Quinn started to have a problem with it, Margo casually asked if she was familiar with Margo’s cousin, a big shot child rights lawyer. So that helped. And bit by bit Alice became Alice again. 

The first time Alice smiled a real smile again, Margo was so relieved she thought she might explode.  _ There you fucking are,  _ she thought, exchanging a happy look with Eliot,  _ holy shit, Kitty, I missed you.  _


	7. Chapter 7

A few weeks later the trio were piled in Margo’s room, each working on their version of the weird art project their teacher had assigned. They were supposed to “create their polar aesthetic opposite” whatever the fuck that meant. The teacher refused to say anything more than “I expect to be amazed, I hope to be rendered speechless”, so everything was turning out rather abstract.

“I did a thing.” Margo said, applying feathers to a bowling ball.

“How delightfully descriptive” Eliot said, concentrating on painting legos different shades of grey.

“A thing for you two,” Margo added, gesturing to them both with her glue gun.

Alice looked up from the foam pineapple she was covering in glitter. “The fuck you mean?” she asked, trying her best to adjust her glasses without getting red sparkles everywhere.

“Well” Margo said, fastidiously applying glue, “I saw a poster.”

“She saw a poster” Eliot stage-whispered to Alice.

“Shut the hell up” Margo said, smiling and throwing a pillow at his head. “I saw a poster for a singing contest. And I signed you up. Both of you.”

Eliot froze, paint dripping and falling onto his pants. “You did the who the huh the what the fuck now?” He finally said.

“What he said” Alice agreed, as she absent mindedly adjusted her hair, not realizing that she had just gotten sparkles everywhere.  

“I know signing you both up without asking wasn’t the best idea I’ve had” Margo admitted. “But I also knew that if I asked you, it gave you the chance to cock out on me instead of growing a pair of tits and starting to actually work towards your dream.” She jabbed first at Eliot and then Alice. “Because I fucking believe in you. Both of you. But sadly they wouldn’t accept a joint entry, so you each have to perform alone.”

“What’s the prize?” Alice asked, trying not to get too excited.

“Recording time at the local studio!” Margo said. “I figure if either of you win you can share the time and record a demo or some shit.”

On Monday the teacher was both amazed and speechless at their creations. Margo’s garish bowling ball, Eliot’s colorless cityscape and Alice’s horrendously glittered fruit bowl were declared to be “absolutely brilliant” and the art instructor made them take a picture with their “art” for the school newspaper. Somehow in the photograph each of them had their face hidden behind their “art”. It was a shame.

\--

They were only allowed to do covers, which El and Alice agreed was complete bullshit. Bigby was thrilled and worked with them over the next month to prepare.

\--

Eliot had chosen a piano/vocals take on “Blackbird Song” and he was so nervous that Alice and Margo both had to physically manhandle him to the stage. As he walked up to the microphone and keyboard he looked stressed, but as soon as he started singing the anxiety fell off of him and he commanded the stage, just as he did when he was acting.

 

_Pack your things_

_Leave somehow_

_Blackbird song_

_Is over now_

 

By the fourth line the entire room was silent, and Eliot’s ethereal voice rang to each corner.

 

_Mouths are dry_

_River runs_

_Hands are tied_

_Preacher’s son_

 

They had both decided to go for a song that they emotionally felt linked to, and El was clearly putting everything into his performance. His eyes were closed, and Alice felt an ache in her chest for Eliot’s past, somehow now feeling like she truly _got it_ for the first time.

 

_Pack your things_

_Leave somehow_

_Blackbird song_

_Is over now_

 

Eliot’s voice broke, but somehow it made it more beautiful. Alice saw one of the judges wipe her eyes with a tissue.

 

_Don't be scared_

_I'm still here_

_No more time_

_For crying dear_

 

Margo had tensed when his song started playing, and by the time it was done tears were streaming down her face, but she was smiling.

Alice had to fight the urge to kiss away the brunette’s tears. She blamed it on her nerves. Because she was up next.

\--

 _How am I supposed to follow that?_ Alice thought, before nervously adjusting her glasses and walking towards the stage. She had decided to pick a song she was very comfortable with, and had already practiced half a million times, so she was going to be singing an abridged version of “Don’t You Forget About Me” by Simple Minds with just her guitar for backup.

Margo was both hopeful that it would help Alice process shit about Charlie (it was the song he sang to her and they sang together) and nervous that she would get upset and deal with it by starting the spiral of drinking and being a complete bitch again. Alice was more worried that she would reach the microphone and throw up.

\--

Gripping her guitar Alice strode out, deciding to act as if she wasn’t shaking like a leaf internally. She was wearing a pink silk dress like unpierceable armor, and strangely, the moment she set foot on the stage and not in the shadows, she felt wonderful. Fierce. Confident.

She stood in front of the judges as a different person, and it was amazing. Without an introduction, Alice just launched into her song, putting everything she had into her music.

 

_Hey, hey, hey, hey_

_Ooooooooooooooh_

 

She ground it out, putting gravel in her voice she didn’t even know she had. Margo and Eliot both sat up straighter in the audience. Alice’s voice was full of confidence, and it was impressive.

 

_Won't you come see about me?_

_I'll be alone, dancing you know it baby_

 

Alice swayed from side to side, smiling and moving her hips as she strummed.

 

_Tell me your troubles and doubts_

_Giving me everything inside and out and_

_Love's strange so real in the dark_

_Think of the tender things that we were working on_

 

Margo was speechless, and even Eliot’s mouth was hanging open. Alice singing and strumming in that dress was, well, in a word? _Hot._ It was like she was weaving a spell, and they were powerless against it as she played on.

 

_Will you stand above me?_

_Look my way, never love me_

_Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling_

_Down, down, down_

 

_Will you recognize me?_

_Call my name or walk on by_

_Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling_

_Down, down, down, down_

 

You could hear the pain in her voice as she sang to her brother that wasn’t there. The raw power her anger gave her shone through.

 

_Don't you try and pretend_

_It's my feeling we'll win in the end_

_I won't harm you or touch your defenses_

_Vanity and security_

 

Alice felt like Charlie could hear her from wherever he was, and she sang the chorus to him as a plea.

 

_Don't you, forget about me_

_Don't, don't, don't, don't_

 

She actually got the audience to stand and clap with her as she finished the song, foregoing the guitar.

 

 

_As you walk on by_

_Will you call my name?_

_When you walk away_

 

_Or will you walk away?_

_Will you walk on by?_

 

Then she held her hands out and the room stilled as she sang clear as a bell:

 

_Come on, call my name_

 

She ended almost in a whisper, but one you could hear all the way to the back of the room

 

_Will you call my name?_

 

_\--_

Some _absolute fucking nitwit of a dick hole_ as Margo called him won the studio time. But Alice and Eliot tied for second place, each raking in $75 that they shoved in a pickle jar towards recording their first demo.

They had learned that the only thing they wanted from this life was to feel what they felt on that stage again. And again. And again. Preferably together.

As Eliot dramatically said, “the only thing better than being on stage alone, would be being on stage with his favorite Kitty.”


	8. Chapter 8

Every winter Margo’s dad swooped into town for the week between Christmas and New Years. He used most of the time for work, so Margo didn’t count it as him being  _ home _ . However, her parents did host a ball during that time, and Margo. Fucking. Lived. For. It. It was not a dance with a DJ and some cheap restaurant excuse of catering, it was a fucking  _ ball _ . There was a string quartet, a chef came in and used their industrial kitchen. The meal had courses. It was white tie. Invite only. 

Getting an invitation to the Hanson New Years Gala was something you could brag about for years after. Of course, everyone was too cool to actually brag, though you might find the invitation sitting out on the mantle well into February.

This was the second year Mr. Hanson had considered Margo old enough to attend. Before that she would just peek down the stairs at the beautiful men and women and wish she was a part of it. Then last year El went with her, and they had the best time. Alice had begged off, saying that she was too young, that she had nothing to wear, that she couldn’t afford to buy something to wear, etc. But this year Eliot was going to be stuck working, so Margo  _ needed  _ Alice to be there. She just had to get Alice to understand why it was so important.

\--   
Margo was at the library, pretending to study as she reasoned with Alice, who was shelving books. Alice was not  _ hearing  _ her. It was time for drastic measures.

“Kitty.” Margo said, pulling out the pet name, “it’s a matter of goddamn life or death.”

“Margs.” Alice said, sighing. “You aren’t going to die if you go to a party alone.”

“Au contraire, mon ami!” Margo said, eyes glittering. “I would die. Also, I have  _ reasons  _ you need to say yes. Besides the obvious death thing. First, my dad said I get a plus one and if you don’t come I’ll be the only person there under the age of  _ thirty _ . That’s basically cruel and unusual punishment. You cannot do that to me. Second” Margo started holding up a finger for every reason. “You said I could get you anything I wanted to for Christmas, so I got you a gift card to my favorite dress boutique.” 

“I said you couldn’t give me money!” Alice protested, half heartedly. She could already tell that she was going to lose the argument, but she kept it going for the sake of posterity.

“A gift card isn’t money,” Margo said, smugly. “And third!!!!!” Margo waved her fingers at Alice for emphasis. “You know you can’t say no to me when I say please.” 

Margo got in Alice’s personal space, reaching down and grabbing the blonde’s hand, rubbing her thumb over Alice’s wrist.. “So.” Margo said, adjusting Alice’s glasses with her free hand. “Alice Quinn, will you go to a ball with me.”

_ She smells like summer vacation at the beach, _ Alice thought.  _ And her hair is so soft. _ She stopped herself from reaching up and touching one of Margo’s curls. Barely. Then Alice sighed. “Fine! You win!”

Margo beamed, flashing perfect teeth and adorable dimples. “Thank fuck.” She said. “I didn’t really have a fourth point.”

“Yeah you did,” Alice said, softly. 

Margo cocked her head to the side, wondering.

Alice blushed. “I’d get to spend New Year’s Eve with you.”

They looked at each other in silence for a heavy moment. Margo licked her lips, and opened her mouth as if to speak, her face softening and becoming more vulnerable. It was so beautiful Alice freaked out a bit.

“I mean, ah, being with one of my best friends is way better than trying to avoid my mom and dad by hiding out in my room,” Alice added, hastily. Margo nodded and her expression went back to normal. 

_ No, come back _ , Alice thought.  _ Be soft with me again. _ But it was too late. Whatever had almost been said was lost. Moment gone.

\--

“So, when do we go dress shopping?” Alice asked, twenty minutes later. She was shelving again, and the silence was getting too loud between them. 

Margo smiled, glad that Alice sounded genuinely excited. “This weekend. I have my dress already picked out, but I have to try it on and see how the tailoring is. And you need to see it so we can coordinate and not clash. I booked us an appointment at 2 pm on Saturday.”

Alice smiled. “You knew I was going to cave, didn’t you?”

“I know you, Alice.” Margo said, packing up her books to leave the library. “You can’t say no to this beautiful face. Not for long, anyways.”

Margo winked and was on her way.

_ No, I really can’t. _ Alice thought, watching the brunette until she turned around the corner of the bookshelf, out of sight.  _ I can’t say no to you. And sometimes, that scares me. _

\--

Alice used to think that she hated shopping. But a while back she realized that was wrong. She just hated shopping when she wasn’t with Margo. Margo made her feel pretty, and when something didn’t fit quite right, Margo never made her feel uncomfortable. Also, Margo was really good at finding the perfect size and color for Alice on the first try, so it was just way more fun than the horror of shopping with Stephanie. Alice had actually convinced her mother to just give her the money for clothes and let Alice sort it out on her own. Stephanie seemed almost relieved to pass off the responsibility. 

So when Saturday morning came around, Alice woke up excited.  _ I’m going to get a ball gown today, _ she thought, a thrill racing through her.  _ Margo and I are going shopping, just us.  _ A bigger wave of happiness hit her at that thought, and Alice did  _ not  _ think about why that was. While getting dressed, Alice made sure to wear comfy clothes that she could easily step out of. That was Margo’s first rule of shopping. 

She had declared Alice’s button up shirt and jeans unacceptable the first time they went shopping. “If it takes more than ten seconds for you to get out of your outfit in the changing room, your day is gonna fucking suck.” Margo had said, tossing Alice some leggings and a flowy top before they hit the mall. The top smelled like Margo, and Alice still had it in her closet at home. Alice could plead that she had forgotten about borrowing it if Margo ever asked for it back, but the brunette never did. One day Margo was over and going through her closet looking for nail polish, and Alice’s heart started to stutter in her chest, worried Margo would see her shirt and ask for it back. She didn’t know, but Margo did see it, she just smiled and pretended not to, liking that Alice had that piece of her.

\--

“So, what do you think?” Margo asked, twirling around for Alice to see. “Am I gorgeous, or am I  _ fucking  _ gorgeous?” She was wearing her gown, and the deep wine red and gold was so beautiful on her that Alice had to take a beat before answering.

“Fucking gorgeous.” Alice finally replied, adjusting her glasses. She cleared her throat. “Just like always, Margs.”

Margo leaned her head back and laughed, high and clear. “Fuck yeah, I am.” She said, winking. “And now that this” Margo gestured to her outfit, “is done, we can move on to more important matters- e.g. finding you the perfect dress.” Margo tried to unzip but found she was unable to finish working the zipper down. “Care to help?” Margo asked, not wanting to tug too hard, scared of ripping the lace and delicate fabric.

“Sure thing,” Alice said, standing up. She was glad that Margo couldn’t see her hands in the mirror, because they were trembling.  _ Must not have eaten enough at lunch, _ Alice reasoned.  _ My blood sugar is low. _ “Yeah, something is wrong.” Alice said, when her attempts at tugging down the zipper were also unsuccessful. “Aaaah, I see the problem.” Alice announced, getting in close to Margo’s back, making the brunette tingle at the feeling of her breath on her skin. “The zipper teeth ate a bit of fabric.” 

“No,” Margo said, worried. “Do we need to get the fitting room attendant in here?”

“Nah, I’ve got it,” Alice said, gently moving the zipper from side to side, one hand pressed to Margo’s back to still the brunette as she worked. Margo froze in place at the contact. “Got it!” Alice said, working the zipper the rest of the way down. “But you might want to ask your tailor to replace or fix the zipper,” Alice finished.

Margo stepped out of the gown and Alice flushed and looked away.

\--

“What colors were you thinking of trying?” Margo asked, as they left the changing room to look around the store.

“I was thinking something deep, like amethyst, or sapphire.” Alice replied, worried that she was making a stupid decision. But those colors were so lovely and when she thought of herself in a beautiful dress, it was always one of those shades.

“Hmmmmmm,” Margo said, tapping her finger on her chin and staring at the blonde. “Definitely jewel tone.” She agreed. 

It took them about an hour to work the store and wean their Alice-maybes down to six dresses. Alice was surprised that Margo agreed to most of her choices, only firmly veto-ing two because she said that “hell would fucking freeze over before Alice would attend a Hanson Gala looking like a goddamn nun-monk.”

They took over the second biggest dressing room, then. Dresses on every hanger, and the attendant right outside ready to go locate different sizes if it was needed. It wasn’t needed. Margo had gotten the sizing perfect, as per usual. “If I don’t know your size by now, I don’t deserve the title of your best friend.” She declared, as Alice stripped to get into the first dress. The brunette’s mouth went dry when Alice stepped out of her pants, and her skin felt flushed.  _ Legs. _ Margo thought, trying not to stare.  _ Boobs. _ Her caveperson brain pointed out. 

Margo quickly turned to grab the first dress. “Now,” she made herself say, zipping Alice in. “I personally think this is going to be the one you love best, but we might not know if we don’t also have you try others for comparison.”

Alice loved the way the fabric felt against her skin. The dress was emerald green, completely different than Margo’s, but Alice knew that they would look great together.  _ As if Margo would allow for anything less. _ Margo zipped her up and stood back, smiling. 

“It’s fucking perfect, Kitty.” She said.

Alice turned to look in the mirror and her breath caught in her throat. She looked, not just pretty, but actually….

“Beautiful.” Margo said, firmly. Nodding her head.

“Do I  _ have  _ to try on the other ones?” Alice asked, running her fingers over the silk.

Margo thought for a second. “No,” she decided. “There is no reason to. This is the one.”

\--

The party started in an hour. Margo had finished her own makeup, and Alice thought she had finished hers, but then Margo informed her that she was wrong and took over.

“Not your fault, kitty.” Margo said, waiting for the glue on the false lashes to get tacky before applying them. “You’re beautiful. You’ve just never been to a gala, let alone a Hanson gala, so you don’t know the look we are going for here.”

Alice frowned. “There’s a look we are going for?” She asked.

“Oh yes,” Margo explained. “We have to put all the fucking effort into our makeup, and then have it look like we didn’t. Except for the eyes. Everyone has to know we tried with the eyes. It’s a thing.”

Margo dug through her makeup drawer and grabbed out the perfect lipstick and liner. Alice held her breath at first as Margo traced her lips with the liner, worried that she had bad breath.

“Alice,” Margo teased. “Applying lipstick to last through a gala is an Event. You’re gonna have to breathe. I’m gonna be here for a while.”

“Okay,” Alice replied. “But then I need a mint. Otherwise I’m going to be self-conscious that I reek of garlic and onions. Right into your face.”

“Did you even eat garlic or onions today?” Margo asked. 

“No,” Alice said. “But I’ll worry anyways.”

“You smell like Alice. All caramel and berries. And just like always, it works for you.” Margo said, firm. “Also, we don’t have enough time for me to go scrounge up a fucking mint. I still have to finish your hair.”

Alice gave in, blushing. “Fine,” she said, “but what’s wrong with my hair?”

Margo laughed.

\--

Maro had been wrong when she said that her and Alice would be the only teens at the event, but a few hours into the evening, she really fucking wished she had been right. So did Alice.

They spotted him as soon as they made their entrance, and on sight christened him Chad Mc-Douche. Of course they had the ...pleasure of him sitting right on Alice’s other side at dinner.

He took one look at Alice’s chest and his eyes almost fell out of his face. 

“I’m totally gonna be the one who kisses you at midnight,” he said smugly. “Oh, and I’m Stephen Kingswood.” He held out a hand, as though he expected Alice to kiss it or some shit.

Alice and Margo exchanged a glance.  _ His name may be Stephen but he is a definite Chad Mc-Douche. _ Margo had a question in her eyes, and Alice had the answer. The blonde nodded for emphasis. A firm yes. 

“So sorry to disappoint,” Margo drawled, from Alice’s other side, sounding anything but. “I have already claimed that pleasure.” She reached and grabbed Alice’s hands, squeezing it and smiling at her. Alice blushed, but squeezed back, grinning.

“But,” Stephen huffed, gesturing at Alice. “But, you’re a girl.”

“Astute observation” Alice replied.

“And you are a girl, too.” He said, pointing at Margo.

“He can tell what gender we are,” Margo said in a stage whisper, leaning close to Alice’s ear. “There’s hope for the lad yet.”

Alice just stared at the boy. Sure, he wasn’t ugly when she first saw him, but now Alice was pretty sure she hadn’t seen anyone less attractive. “People are gay, Stephen.” She said. And then they proceeded to ignore him for the rest of the meal.

\--

A good while later the girls had snuck upstairs with a bottle of champagne Margo swiped from the open bar. Margo’s dad saw them start to run up the stairs, but he just shook his head and mouthed “I saw nothing” with a wink. To be fair, by that time the bottle was already half gone, so they weren’t doing a great job at sneaking.

Margo ducked into her room, definitely tipsy. Alice followed her, hopping as she tried to take her shoes off, and couldn’t, her bodice was too tight for her to bend that much and the buckles were very small. 

“Help me out, please” Alice begged. Margo took in a breath and knelt down to undo the straps of Alice’s heels.

“Sure thing, kitty.” Margo said, gently rubbing her thumb against Alice’s warm skin as she got each shoe off.

\-- 

“You know we don’t have to,” Margo said a bit later, carefully not looking at the blonde. They were lounging across the bed, champagne mostly gone. Soon they’d have to go back out and down by the crowd, and Margo wanted to work this out before they had to deal with Chad Mc-Douche again.

“We don’t have to what?” Alice asked, confused.

“You know.” Margo said, gesturing. “Kiss. At midnight.”

Alice blushed.  _ Don’t fuck this up _ , she thought. “What if I want to?” She said, trying to be brave. 

Margo smiled, dimpling. “You want to kiss me?” She asked.

_ Fuck yes,  _ was Alice’s instant thought. But while she was trying to be braver, she wasn’t brave enough to say  _ that _ , so she backed off a bit. “I think we deserve a do-over.” Alice replied, lightly. “Last time ended rather poorly.”

“That’s for fucking sure” Margo said, sighing. “I just,” she tried to word things carefully. “I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. Or what the fuck ever. Even if, as you said ‘people are gay, Stephen.’ I don’t want shit to be weird. You’ve never said  _ you  _ are gay..”

“Honestly, I don’t have a fucking clue what I am,” Alice said, easily. “But I haven’t kissed anyone since… you know.” Alice took a swallow of champagne and handed the almost empty bottle to the brunette.

“Really?” Margo asked, turning to face Alice and draining the last of their champagne.

“I’ve had too much shit going in my brain with Charlie to even consider it,” Alice said. 

“Fucking true.” Margo replied. “Well,” she said, “we better get back before mom notices we are gone.”

Alice groaned. “Fine,” she said, “but I’m wearing ballet flats the rest of the night, and you can’t stop me.”

“Stop you?” Margo said. “Shit, if my dress wasn’t tailored with these exact heels in mind, I’d join you.”

\--

It was 11:45 and Alice was desperately searching for something minty to eat so that she wouldn’t be nervous about tasting weird while kissing Margo.  _ Not that this is a big deal.  _ She thought.  _ Just to be kind to Margo’s mouth.  _ Then she started thinking more about Margo’s mouth.

Margo’s dad had called the brunette over to introduce her to a few of his friends from Spain, and she was beaming at the attention, from what Alice could tell, stuck as she was across the room searching the desert tray.

“The fuck are you looking for?” She heard behind her, and jumped.  _ Ugh. Chad.  _

“Why hello again, Cha... Stephen.” She said, sarcastically almost calling him by his unofficial moniker. “So nice to have met you this lovely evening.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Stephen-Chad said. “I just came over to tell you that if you aren’t too busy getting your lezzy on with that bitch, I’d still kiss you.”

Alice’s hands stilled. “What was that?” She asked, softly, fingers curling into a fist. 

Stephen-Chad leaned forward, leering down her dress, drink sloshing in his hand. “I said, if you aren’t too busy exchanging saliva with your…” Here Alice’s anger rose, as the asshole used several slurs to talk about her friend. Her rage grew and she actually didn’t hear him until he was finishing the tirade “freak friend, I’d still kiss you.”

There was a chocolate tart, sitting right there, and Alice itched to smash it in the stupid mother fucker’s face. She actually had it in her hand, and had looked at him, smiling dangerously, when a voice came from behind the boy, and he froze.

“What did you just call my daughter, Stephen Kingswood?” Margo’s stepmom had come up, and most have caught the end of the conversation. Mrs. Hanson put a reassuring hand on Alice’s shoulder, and smiled at her gently, which Alice knew was Hanson code for put-down-the-pastry-Ms.-Alice-Quinn-this-is-a-gala.

“Um, nothing.” The boy said, cringing and backing away. 

“It didn’t sound like nothing,” Mrs. Hanson said, calmly. “It sounded like you came into my home, ate my food, and used homophobic terms to talk about my child.” She turned to Alice. “Isn’t that what is sounded like to you, my sweet?”

Alice, who had only once seen Margo’s mom quiet-gentle angry before, just nodded in affirmation.

“Now.” Mrs. Hanson continued, the private school principal really showing in her voice. “You and I are going to leave the lovely Ms. Quinn alone, and we are going to go find your mother, and the three of us will have a nice quiet discussion about manners. And decency. And why she should not expect an invitation to another one of my parties.” Mrs. Hanson firmly grasped the boy’s shoulder, and led him away. “There’s chocolate mints in the silver bowl by the poinesetas, my dear.” She called back to Alice over her shoulder as they walked away. Alice smiled gratefully, and located the right bowl, popping a mint in, before wondering how Mrs. Hanson knew that is what she was looking for.

Even knowing that Mrs. Hanson was taking care of it, Alice was still pissed, and the anger made her antsy. She stalked over to Margo, using the walk to try and control the emotions she was feeling. Especially the nervousness, now that she looked at the clock and saw it was only five more minutes to midnight.

\--

Margo smiled when she saw Alice come right up by her, and reached out an arm to sling around the blonde’s waist. 

“Ready for these lips, sugar?” She joked.

But then Alice looked at her, and the joking tone faded away.

“Let’s be less right here by your dad” Alice whispered into Margo’s ear, and that made perfect sense to the brunette. Not that he was in any way against Margo kissing girls, he had accepted that she was gay. It was more that he was against the idea of his little princess kissing  _ anyone. _

Margo led the blonde away, until they were tucked in the corner of the room. Not out of sight, but, less in the direct line of sight of her father. Alice looked at her, nervous.  _ Don’t you dare chicken out now,  _ the blonde thought to herself.

_ This is the last minute you have to chicken out, _ Margo reminded herself. But she couldn’t do it. She knew the kiss would mean something different to Alice than it did to her, but right now she didn’t care. The lights were glittering off of Alice’s necklace, her hair was delicately framing her face, and her chest was shimmering with the highlighting powder Margo had dusted across it. 

\--

The lights dimmed and the countdown started.

\--

TEN!!!!

Alice looked at the floor and then tucked her hair behind her ear, and forced herself to look at her friend.

\--

NINE!!!!

Margo hooked her arm more tightly around Alice’s waist, but crooked her head to the side. “You can still change your mind,” she said. _ Please don’t change your mind,  _ she thought.

\--

EIGHT!!!!

“No way.” Alice said, firmly, wrapping her own arm around the brunette’s waist and pulling her in even closer.

\--

SEVEN!!!

_ Holy fuck this is about to happen,  _ Margo thought. Alice was right there, licking her lips and staring at her with serious intent in her eyes.

\--

SIX!!!!

_ These are the longest ten seconds of my goddamn life,  _ Alice thought. Margo was looking at her like Alice was beautiful, and the blonde wasn’t sure how that made her feel. She wanted Margo to look away, but also wanted her to never stop staring at her like that.

\--

FIVE!!!!

Alice started leaning in closer, and Margo mirrored the motion. Then their foreheads were touching and Margo felt like she was on fire.

\--

FOUR!!!!!

_ Fuck waiting any longer. _ Alice thought, and leaning in, she started kissing Margo for all she was worth.

\--

THREE!!!

Margo was surprised that Alice jumped the gun, but she wasn’t going to complain…. Or let the blonde control their first real, sober, agreed upon kiss. Margo took control, shifting them together and coaxing the blonde to open her mouth.

\--

TWO!!!!

_ Holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck. _ The two words were running through Alice’s mind as Margo deepened their kiss, and then, Alice’s mind went to complete static. Delicious static that smelled like Margo and tasted like vanilla and champagne.

\--

ONE!!!!!

Margo hated that her skirt was so bulky, it prevented her from being as close to Alice as she wanted to. _ Fuck, I have to dial it back,  _ she thought.  _ This is just a do-over from our last failed attempt.  _ But when she tried to pull back, Alice growled and tugged her closer. Margo’s heart fluttered in her chest.

\--

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

Confetti fell from the ceiling as the guests all rang in the New Year, laughter and quick kisses taking place across the room. The music changed, getting more energetic as people danced and sang. Neither Margo nor Alice noticed or cared.

\--

Several wonderful moments later, breaking away, Alice looked at Margo like she had never seen her before. 

“Holy fuck, Kitty.” Margo said, breathless, perfect lipstick no longer so perfect. “Not that I’m complaining, but where the fuck did that come from?” 

Alice just smiled and closed the distance once more, this time giving Margo a quick and chaste kiss before pulling away, laughing. 

“Come on, Margs.” She said, suddenly full of a confidence she had never felt before. “Let’s dance.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TYSM to @sapphic-ambitions and @ramblingsofaqueerwoman and @kickassfu for dealing with my incessant need for validation and support as I wrote this chapter, I needed it to be JUST RIGHT and it wouldn't have been without y'all <3

They danced until the last guest left, and then Margo tugged Alice up to her room, popped in her iPod, and they danced some more. Alice had completely let loose, and Margo had swiped more champagne. They stepped out of their gowns right away, Alice helped Margo take off her shoes.  Margo’s mom had insisted they wear slips underneath their dresses, saying that “only absolute reprobates wore just a bra and underwear under a gown” so Alice was in cream silk, and Margo was in black. Neither of them looked at the other, which of course meant that both of them did.

Half a bottle of champagne in, they decided to wait up for Eliot to get home from work at 2:30. It was currently 1:45, so they threw giant sweaters on, and started lip syncing to “Primadonna” by Marina and the Diamonds. And when that song ended, they broke out the hats, and the song changed to “Disturbia” by Rihanna. And so on.

Margo didn’t bring up the kiss again,  _ but neither did Kitty, _ she reasoned. Then she turned the music up louder to drown out the thought.  _ There would be no messy conversations about what the kiss meant,  _ she decided, _ not yet, at least.  _ Just a warm feeling in her stomach that she hadn’t allowed to live there before.

They had the best goddamn time, Margo had shut off her overhead lights and just had her fairy lights twinkling. When Eliot got home from work he followed the sound of their noise, and even though he looked exhausted, he grinned, shucked the vest he was wearing that declared him a gas station employee, and sang and danced along.

They all passed out on Margo’s bed around 4 a.m. and didn’t move until well after noon.

\--

Margo’s mom ducked in around 12:45 to wake them up, or rather, make sure they were still alive. Seeing all three of them piled on the bed made her smile, and then it made her heart twinge. She thought back to the night before, to Margo and Alice thinking they had snuck away to kiss. But she saw, of course she saw, Jennifer Hanson saw everything. She just had to wonder, had Margo really thought this through?

Mrs. Hanson had no problem with Margo being gay, in fact she was just glad that her daughter had figured it out while she was still a teenager. She knew it would save her all the crappy attempts at trying to date boys and all the wondering about why it never felt right. Even though she hadn’t given birth to Margo, she did love her with all her heart, loved her daughter’s fearless courage and bravery, and the way she always stood up for people who were in positions of less power. 

She loved Eliot, too, and was glad to give him a safe place to be exactly who he was, even if he insisted on “paying rent” with part of the money he made. Eliot didn’t know it, but she had started a bank account and all of his “rent” went into it, and when he turned 18 she was going to give it all back to him, with interest. He wouldn’t say no, no one dared to say no to Jennifer. Who do you think Margo got that from?

But truly, Mrs. Hanson had no problem with Margo being gay. This is why the conversation she felt she had to have with her daughter, and soon, had to be worded very carefully. She had to make sure Margo knew that.

\--

Eliot begged off driving Alice home later because he had to work another shift that night, and as he put it, “needed the beauty sleep in order to drive all the men mad with desire.”

Margs and Kitty understood, and Mrs. Hanson drove them. 

The closer they got to Alice’s house, the more reserved and closed-off the blonde grew. It made Jennifer’s heart hurt. Margo and her friends didn’t need to know it, but Mrs. Hanson had tried to see if she could convince the Quinns to let Alice live with them, but Stephanie in particular was very resistant. 

She would have thought it was nice of the woman to show some actual interest in her own flesh and blood, if Stephanie hadn’t flat out said in their conversation, “what would the neighbors think of her, giving her daughter away like that?” 

Jennifer did not like Stephanie Quinn. And if that blonde bitch thought they were done with the conversation, she had another think coming.

They got to the front of the house, and Alice let out a breath. 

“Mrs. Hanson?” Alice asked. “Can, ah, you just go around the block one more time?” 

Margo reached out a comforting hand and squeezed the blonde’s fingers tightly, as her mom pulled away from the curb and drove around the block one more time. Except it ended up being three more times, then Alice set her mouth firmly in a line, grabbed her bag, kissed Margo on the cheek and darted out the car door. 

_ Oh Alice, dear heart,  _ Mrs. Hanson thought.  _ I’ll keep on trying to get you out of there, I promise. _

\--

“What do you say to an early dinner?” Jennifer said, as they pulled away from Alice’s building. Margo was looking out the window with a small frown on her face.

“What was that, Mom?” She asked, seeing Alice duck inside the house.

“Early dinner,” Mrs. Hanson repeated. “Just you and me, your favorite restaurant.”

Margo grinned, “sounds fu… freaking awesome!” She said, catching herself before she let the swear word free. Her mom was cool with many things, but her daughter dropping the “f” bomb in casual conversation was not one of them.

They got to the restaurant, but her mom was acting weird, Margo decided. And, being Margo, she decided to deal with it as soon as they sat down and gave their drink orders.

“What’s up?” Margo said, bluntly. “You’re acting really fu… freaking weird.”

Jennifer sighed, and stirred the straw in her water glass.

_ Ladies use straws when they wear lipstick,  _ Margo could hear her voice in her head.  _ It is downright tacky to leave lipstick stains on water glasses.  _

The silence continued. _ Fuck,  _ Margo thought.  _ I think something is actually wrong. _

“I need to talk to you about something, and I don’t know exactly how to do it.” Jennifer finally said.

_ Shit,  _ Margo thought.  _ She knows about the champagne… Or the nail polish stain El got on her white leather sofa, I thought we got it all out… Or, fuck, the Louboutin heels I borrowed and then lost. Or the…. _ Margos thoughts snowballed, as she went over every recent thing she had done incorrectly, but she would never have been able to guess where their conversation was leading.

_ \-- _

“We don’t talk about my personal life much at all.” Jennifer said.

“No,” Margo replied, wondering where this was going, “we don’t.”

“So, you may not know this about me. I’m bisexual.”Jennifer took a moment to grab a roll from their bread basket and butter it. 

Margo took a moment to have her mouth open and shut several times. 

“Um. What?” Margo said, weakly.

“I’m bisexual.” Jennifer repeated. “I like people who are my gender, and people who aren’t. I don’t talk about it much, because I fell in love with your dad, and don’t really consider it anyone’s business who I am attracted to. Because I’m married. But I’ve loved men and women in my past, and was with a woman, Vanessa, for almost three years during college.”

“Look, ah, Mom.” Margo said. “Good for you? I’m really trying to understand where you are going with this. Like, why wouldn’t you tell me about this when I came to you thinking I was a lesbian?”

“Because that was about you, not me.” Jennifer said, but then she sighed. “No, that’s not quite right. Because I guess I didn’t want you to think I accepted you for being gay because I am.” She paused, and grabbed Margo’s hand from across the table, squeezing gently. “I wanted you to know I love you for who you are because you are you. It has nothing to do with me. With my past, or anything.”

Margo had to smile, remembering back to how quickly her mom had made her feel like she was normal. That liking girls was normal. But also that if she changed her mind, that would be normal, too. And that all of it was okay.

“Well.” Margo replied. “Ah, thank you? I think. But, why did you decide now that I needed to know, when I didn’t before? Like you said, we never talk about your personal life.”  _ And to be honest, I really preferred that,  _ she didn’t add, at least not out loud.

“Because we have to talk about something else,” Jennifer said. “We have to talk about Alice.”

\--

The waiter chose that moment to come back and take their orders, so Margo had extra time to wonder what the fuck her and Alice could have done to warrant a discussion. They placed their orders, and he gracefully beat a retreat, probably sensing the weird vibes in the air.

“Alice” Margo repeated, after he left, completely mystified. “You’re bisexual, and we need to talk about Alice. I’m sorry, but seriously, mom, what the fu… hell?”

“I know the two of you are close.” Her mom said. “Quite close, based on last night.”

“Yes. Very close.” Margo said, feeling oddly defensive. “She’s my best friend and I love her.”

“Exactly,” Jennifer continued, drumming her fingers on the table. “Your best friend. You love her. I just wonder, have you sorted out _ how  _ you love her, yet?”

Margo was astounded. Never before had her step-mom tried to talk to her about her crushes. Or friendships. Or love. 

Jennifer accepted that Vick and her were together with equanimity, and was equally calm and unmoved by their breakup. Eliot was a part of their family because Margo loved him, to the point of moving in. Margo had just assumed the same would go for Alice. Even if the way she felt about Alice was a little… different.

“What do you mean?” Margo asked, heart starting to speed up a bit, and her mouth going dry. She reached out and grabbed her glass of water and gulped some back nervously, forgetting in her stress to use her straw.

Jennifer frowned at the lipstick mark on the glass, and handed Margo a napkin to take care of it. “Now, you know I love Alice, she is a marvelous girl and I am so happy she is in your life...” Jennifer trailed off.

Margo crossed her arms over her chest. “But?” She bit out, deciding to turn her uncertainty into anger.

“Do you love her because she is your best friend, or do you love her as something different?” Jennifer asked, deciding to get to the point.

“Jesus fuck, Jennifer” Margo said, going bright red, and forgetting that she wasn’t supposed to swear. And that she hadn’t called her step-mom Jennifer in  _ years.  _

\--

Jennifer winced, definitely noticing both the name change and the cursing. And the physical distance Margo had put between them, leaning as far back in her chair as she could.

“I know it might not be something you want to talk about, and that’s okay.” Jennifer said. “But you need to at least think about it.”

Margo nodded, biting her lip and thinking. 

“What if… what if I’m not sure but it might be more than just a friend?” Margo said, in a small voice. She realized she was actually kind of relieved to be able to talk to someone about what she was feeling.

“Then you need to think it through. Be sure of things.” Mrs. Hanson said. “Does Alice have any friends besides you and Eliot?”

“Not really,” Margo admitted.

“Has Alice ever indicated that she likes girls? Or that she wants to date? Not you, specifically, but anyone.” Jennifer prodded a bit more.

“No” Margo said, frowning.

“Then, just think before you do anything that might mess that up. Think, and decide for yourself what to do. Alice is still shaky after Charlie leaving.” Jennifer said. “And if she loses you. If this thing you aren’t sure of fails, she might lose Eliot, too. And then who would she have?”

Margo looked sober. “I hadn’t thought about that,” she admitted.

Jennifer smiled sadly. “I know, and that is okay, dear heart. But you need to think. I’m not going to tell you what to do. But I love you, and Alice. And young loves don’t often last. So if you are going to keep on kissing her, and dancing with her, you need to think about why, and you need to think about where it is going.”

Margo groaned and buried her head in her hands. “Why are you making me look at this logically?” She said eventually.

Jennifer smiled, happy and sad at the same time to see that her point had hit home. “Because I love you, and I don’t want you to fuck up in the same ways I’ve fucked up.” She said.

Margo gasped. “You said fuck! I now declare that I also get to say fuck.”

Jennifer laughed. “Sure, honey, have that be what you take away from this conversation.”

\--

Laying in bed staring at the ceiling hours later, unable to sleep because she couldn’t stop thinking, Margo realized that was definitely not all she had taken away from the conversation. The goddamn shit her mom had said kept swirling through her brain.

\--

-Do you love her because she is your best friend?-

_ Of course I love her because she is my best friend. What kind of question even is that? She’s brave, and smart, and kind. She always listens, and never makes you feel like shit when you are having a bad day. She hasn’t let what her mom does to her make her hard, she’s still so goddamn sweet. And I want to protect her. I want to keep her safe always. _

-Or do you love her as something different?-

_ How the fuck should I know that? I’m 15 goddamn years old, what even is love?! How does anyone love anyone? Sure, she smells amazing, and the sound of her laughter is the best thing I’ve ever heard. Yeah, I’ve had sex dreams about her, and when she rests her head on my shoulder my body feels like it is on fire. But, is that enough? Am I enough? She deserves the world, and the world is so much bigger than I am… _

-Does Alice have any friends besides you and Eliot?-

_Shit, we really have been keeping her to ourselves._ _But I don’t want to share. I should want to share. I should encourage her to meet more people. But fuck that._

_ I know it is selfish, but it’s us three against the world, we already lost Vick, we can’t lose anyone else. I can’t lose anyone else. _

-Has Alice ever indicated that she likes girls?- 

_ Does “I don’t know if I’m gay” count? I mean, that isn’t saying you DON’T like girls. And she kissed me, like, really for real. And then we danced….  _ Margo thought of the way they had danced, not down by all the people, but back up in her room, wearing sweater covered slips, hands brushing against each other, bodies touching….  _ Come on, that had to be at least a little gay. _

-Or that she wants to date?-

_ Well, she hasn’t said that she doesn’t,  _ Margo reasoned.  _ But that definitely isn’t saying that she does. And she is younger, am I rushing things? Is this something she would even be ready for? Is it something I am ready for? _

Do you love her because she is your best friend, or do you love her as something different? Does Alice have any other friends besides you and Eliot? Has Alice ever indicated that she likes girls? Or that she wants to date?

_ \-- _

Left alone with her thoughts, all she could do was replay the past 48 hours over and over in her head. Wondering, wishing, thinking that yeah, maybe, maybe she loved Alice as something different, something more. But would she fuck it up? Margo felt like the goddamn queen of fucking things up. 

_ And what if she doesn’t love me? What if this wasn’t the same for her? I could fuck it up, like I did with Vick. Vick loved me and I didn’t love her back the same way. Jesus fucking Christ, I would be the Vick. I don’t know if I could handle it like Vick did, well, she did leave… Would I leave? Would Alice leave? Who would Alice have if she left? _

_ Fuck it,  _ Margo thought, popping an ambien. And shortly thereafter she thankfully, blessedly,  _ finally, _ fell asleep. 

\--

In the morning, Margo woke up and had decided. She would go over and ask Alice if they could kiss again and feel out the situation from there.  _ Perfect middle ground,  _ she figured. She’d sort out exactly what she was going to say on the way. The important thing was that she was going to tell her. She was going to. Today. Right now.

_ Shit, I haven’t eaten. _

After breakfast. 

_ Tits, how will I get there? _

Eliot could drive her. 

_ Fuck, he was sleeping. _

She could use the limo. 

_ Goddamnit, her dad was out with the chauffeur all day. _

Margo was so determined, she actually considered taking the bus. But then decided that was just ridiculous, and that she would simply call for a taxi. 

\--

In the cab on the way over, Margo felt more nervous than she had ever before in her life. She knew her hair was perfect, she knew her lipstick was just-right. She knew, but she kept glancing into her compact mirror anyways. Just to check.

When she got there she just threw money at the cabbie and ducked out. But then felt guilty, and circled back to say thanks for the ride. But the driver had taken off. Checking her wallet she saw she had just given him $60 for a $10.40 ride.  _ Fair move on the sudden exit, _ she thought, watching him drive off.  _ I’d do the same. _

Turning around, she saw the front door to Alice’s house. And suddenly, Margo wasn’t so sure anymore.

But she went up the steps and firmly knocked on the door anyways.

\--

Stephanie opened the door, glass of wine in her hand even though it was only 10:30 in the morning.

“Yes?” She asked. “What do you want?”

“I’m here to see Alice.” Margo said, doing her best to sound confident, even though, for the first time, she felt anything but.

“Well, go see her then.” Stephanie said, stepping and and gesturing towards the stairs. “I’m not going to fucking announce your presence to her like a goddamn butler. She’s in her room, playing that damned guitar.” Stephanie shuffled away, leaving Margo standing in the hallway.

Margo held on to the last of the courage she had found that morning, and started up the stairs. As she went up she could hear the sounds of Alice playing her guitar, and it made her smile.  _ She really is going to be the best goddamn guitarist the world has ever seen, _ Margo thought, and she moved towards the sound. She stopped right before knocking, because Alice had started to sing. Margo felt stuck, unable to do anything but listen. She could hear Alice’s pain mixed with joy in every note.

 

_ Please don't say I love you, _

_ those words touch me much too deeply _

_ and they make my core tremble _

_ Don't think you realize the effect you have over me _

 

Margo wasn’t sure of anything anymore. Was she about to be really selfish? Was she just putting herself first? Not thinking or caring about what Alice wanted or needed?

 

_ Please don't look at me like that _

_ It just makes me want to make you near me always _

_ Please don't kiss me so sweet _

_ it makes me crave a thousand kisses to follow _

 

Margo already stole her first kiss, and sure, Alice gave her another, but just as a do-over. 

 

_ And please don't touch me like that _

_ makes every other embrace seem pale and shallow _

_ And please don't come so close _

_ it just makes me want to make you near me always _

 

Margo remembered how long it took for her and Eliot to get Alice to not flinch at their touch. She had only been initiating touches for less than a year, was Margo about to fuck that up? And for what?

 

_ Please don't bring me flowers _

_ they only whisper the sweet things you'd say _

_ Don't try to understand me _

_ your hands already know too much anyway _

_ It just makes me want to make you near me always _

 

Margo pictured a world without Alice, where they weren’t even friends, and it made her clutch her stomach, it ached so bad. She couldn’t chance it. Wouldn’t chance it, but...

 

_ And when you look in my eyes _

_ please know my heart is in your hands _

_ It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms _

_ you have complete power over me _

_ So be gentle if you please, 'cause _

_ Your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth _

_ And it makes me want to make you near me always _

 

Margo heard her mother’s words. “You need to think.” She hadn’t thought this through, she knew it. Not really.

 

_ Your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth _

_ And it makes me want to make you near me always _

_ I want to be near you always _

 

Making a decision, Margo opened the door.

\--

Alice jumped, and then smiled. “Margs!!!” She shouted, setting down her guitar and coming and throwing her arms around the brunette. 

Margo closed her eyes, and hugged her back. Tightly. “Hey Kitty,” she whispered in her hair.

“The fuck are you doing here?” Alice asked, “I just saw you yesterday.”

Margo paused, and seeing Alice right before her, she knew she had made the right call. She gave her best friend an easy grin. “Do I need a reason to come visit my favorite kitty cat the last day of vacation?” she asked.

“I guess not,” Alice replied. “Come on in, sit down! I’ll play you the latest song I’ve been learning, I haven’t gotten the picking just right….” 

Alice excitedly went on, and Margo just looked at her. Took all the feelings that had gotten so high in her throat, so close to her mouth, so close to being words, and shoved them way down deep.

Their kiss was just a do-over. Young loves don’t often last. She would be the Vick in the situation, and Alice would have no one if she left.

_ Yeah, _ Margo thought.  _ I made the right call.  _


	10. Chapter 10

Alice had tried to bring up what went down on New Years Eve when Margo had stopped by on Sunday, after showing her the new song she was learning, but Margo wasn’t having it. The brunette had lunged up off her bed and ran to her closet talking about shoes and them needing to coordinate but not match for class.

“We wear uniforms, Margo” Alice said, “there’s no way we won’t just match.”

“Right!” Margo said, “but our shoes can’t be the same, or too different.”

“I have exactly three pairs of school shoes, as you know.” Alice said, puzzled. “Winter boots, tennies, and ballet flats for spring.”

“Oh, yeah!” Margo said. Then she just smiled at Alice and begged her to play a song, so of course Alice did.

And then another.

Margo decreed for the thousandth time that Alice was destined for greatness. After all, they almost had enough saved to pay for a recording space to lay down their EP.

Which Margo talked about for yet another twenty. fucking. minutes.

Any time Alice opened her mouth it seemed to freak the brunette out, and more words just poured out.

And then, abruptly in the middle of a sentence, Margo stood up and announced she had to leave. And wouldn’t shut up about nail polish the whole time they stood outside flagging down a taxi.

_ Apparently, _ Alice thought,  _ we are never going to talk about anything deep ever again.  _ Margo babbled about a new shade of polish El had discovered at the mall called Just-Fucked Pink.  _ Never ever.  _ Alice decided _. Nothing deep. Like the gala. Or the kisses. Mostly the kisses. _

It was weird.

_ Or maybe it's me who is weird,  _ Alice thought, waving at Margo as she drove away.  _ Maybe it was just a couple of kisses. _

\--

They had lunch together with Eliot on Tuesday, and he was looking through the pics Mrs. Hanson had snapped of them at the Gala, approving some as MySpace worthy, and vetoing others.

“Can I just say,” Eliot said, “you both looked banging on New Years.”

“Hell yeah we did,” Margo said, agreeably. “You missed the fuck out with your stupid adult-like working nonsenese.”

“But I know I got something you didn’t,” El sang, wiggling his fingers at the girls. “You know Kyle? He also was working overnight, and he kissed me at midnight.” El beamed. “Didn’t even know he was gay.”

“Isn’t he, like, 18?” Alice said, frowning.

“Not for another five months, silly Kitty.” Eliot replied. “Anyways, let's get back to my main point. Y’all looked bangable, but ya boi here is the only one who actually locked lips with a sexy honey.”

“Well,” Alice said, flushing and tucking her hair behind her ear. “Actually…”

“I kissed Kitty.” Margo interrupted to say. When Eliot looked shocked, she quickly added “it was honestly an act of kindness, I had to save her.” 

Alice paused, freezing in place.  _ That’s what we’re going with?  _ She thought. “Yeah,” she said, “some Chad Mc-Douche wanted the honor, and my gal Margs gracefully stepped in instead.” Alice smiled brightly.

El looked back and forth between the two of them. “Uh huh.” He said, and in the pause he must have decided it wasn’t worth pursuing it any further. 

“My kiss still wins, then.” He declared. “Because it meant something.”

“Yeah, you definitely win.” Margo agreed, slinging an arm across Alice’s shoulders and using her other hand to ruffle Eliot’s hair.

“GAH!” Eliot shrieked, “YOU FUCKED UP MY ‘DO!” He stood up and bolted to the bathroom, muttering to everyone between him and the door “you better not look at me.”

Alice looked at Margo. “He won?” She asked, doing her best to act nonchalant.

“Yeah,” Margo said, shrugging. “It’s Eliot, and I think that Kyle kid really likes him.”

\--

A couple weeks later at lunch Alice made her way to their table, and she was wearing the strangest expression.

“The fuck is up with you?” Margo said, succinctly.

“Um. You know Tyler?” Alice said, looking dazed.

“Jock type, with the shaggy hair, in math with you?” Margo asked.  _ Of fucking course I know Tyler,  _ she thought, feeling a spark of jealousy.  _ And I might not like him that much. _ But then she caught herself.  _ Stop it, that’s not fair. _

“Yeah, that’s him. Well…” Alice flushed. 

Margo’s stomach sank, and she decided she probably wasn’t going to like what Alice said next.

“He kinda sorta maybe asked me out just now.” Alice said, waiting to see how Eliot and Margo would react. “To the movies. This weekend.”

Eliot choked on his corn dog. Margo set down her sparkling water.

“You have a date?!?!” Eliot screeched.

“Well, that’s great!” Margo said, at the same time. 

Alice’s heart sank, and she didn’t know why. She should be happy that her friends were supporting her. But she just fucking wasn’t.

“What time is he picking you up?” Margo asked, casually.

Alice just looked down quietly, using a fork to move macaroni from one side of her plate to the other.

“I, ah, haven’t said yes yet.” Alice said. 

“Why not?” Eliot said.

Alice had been staring at her hands, and at this question, she crumpled her skirt between her fingers. “I don’t know,” she said, softly. “I’m just not sure."

“It’s just a movie, Kitty” Margo said. If he’s paying, and especially if you get to pick, I say go for it." But she saw that Alice looked stressed. 

"Is there another reason you don't want to?" Margo asked, hoping to fuck that Alice would say there was, but also hoping she would say there wasn't.

"Yeah," El added. "If you aren't ready to date, that's a different story. No need to rush."

"It isn't that," Alice said. "But no one has really looked at me or asked before. Why now? What if it is a joke?”

“You’re fuckin’ gorgeous, that's why." Margo said, firmly. "Everyone else has been a dumb dick. And there’s no way he’s enough of an ass to ask without planning to follow through.”

"Agreed," Eliot said. 

Alice felt something in her shift a bit to the left. _ It’s good, _ she insisted,  _ Margo should support me, El, too. _

“You’re right,” Alice said, smiling. “And he is very pretty.”

“Hell yeah he is,” Eliot drawled, “that hair? That ass? Ooooh gurl.”

Alice started giggling. Margo cracked a smile.

“Besides,” Margo said, “if he ends up being a fucker, I’ll rip his balls off and make him swallow them whole.”

Alice looked at Margo. “Thank you,” she said, knowing the brunette was one hundred percent serious.

\--

The Tyler/Alice movie date went perfectly, so there was another. And another. And then Tyler took Alice out for dinner. And now they were dating. 

So, now Alice had a boyfriend. And Eliot did, too. Kyle asked him out and Eliot said yes. But Margo? Still single.

_ This is fucking great,  _ Margo thought.  _ De-fucking-lightful.  _

She decided there was only one thing to do.

She would support her friends, of course, but also, she was going to make her way through the entire High School Varsity softball team. 

\--

Alice loved having a boyfriend. She suddenly understood why Vick had been all over Margo in middle school. Like, this shit was  _ amazing. _ Tyler liked her, and he wanted to talk to her all the time, and he thought she was pretty. Sure, he didn’t get why music was so important to her, but she practiced with Eliot at the same time he practiced LaCrosse, so that didn’t matter too much.

The next couple months flew by, and of course, the only reason that Alice was upset with Margo was because she didn’t have the decency to even act like she was dating a single softball player. It was all so… casual. 

Alice literally found a notebook in Margo’s backpack when she was looking for Trig homework that had all the players listed, and the ones Margo had slept with were crossed out. The brunette had made it down the list and since “Seymour, Nichole,” was crossed out, apparently Margo was currently working on “Shelby, Rachel.” 

“Fucking  _ alphabetically, _ Margo?” Alice had hissed. “You are hooking up with the entire softball team alphabetically?!”

Margo shrugged. “I thought you’d be happy I had a system. And I’m only sleeping with the ones who are single and into it. Some just want a kiss” The brunette winked.

“This can’t be healthy,” Alice said to Eliot before practice that afternoon. 

“Who gives a fuck about healthy?” Eliot said, looking at the list in admiration. “This is  _ brilliant. _ I just wish I had thought of this with the LaCrosse team before Kyle snatched me up.”

\--

They only had a couple weeks of class left before summer, and Alice was being fuckin’ weird. Not normal-weird, where she was jumpy because her mom was awful and she was gonna be stuck at home all summer, but the something-is-bothering-Kitty weird. Thankfully, El and Margs knew how to deal with it.

They just had to declare a hair-mergency and sit Alice down and braid, flat iron or curl her hair. Then Alice would relax, and would tell them what was wrong. It was all about them not staring into her eyes or some shit. Margo wasn’t sure exactly why it worked, but she was glad that it did. As long as they didn’t do it too often, it was a sure fire way to find out what was going on in the beautiful blonde’s brain.

When Alice snapped at Bigby during practice, they decided the time had come. Margs and El just looked at each other and nodded. 

“Kitty,” Eliot said, softly. “Can you come over after class today?”

“Why?” Alice bit out, and then sighed. “Sorry, I mean, sure, but what’s up?”

“I just got a new curling iron,” Margo said, “and I need to try it out. Eliot is no help, his hair is too short.”

Eliot just pointed at his own head and pantomimed trying to curl it, before shaking his head and shrugging.

Alice smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear. 

“Of course,” she said. “Heaven forbid you try out your new curling iron on your own hair.”

“I’m glad you understand,” Margo said solemnly.

\--

Something must have really been bugging Alice, because they sat and listened to music without talking for almost an hour, as Margo curled and smoothed her hair.

“So.” Alice said, finally.

Margo and Eliot exchanged a glance, and El casually turned the music down. 

_ Thank fuck,  _ Margo thought,  _ I was gonna have to start purposefully fucking up these curls and redoing them. _

“So?” Margo asked gently. Eliot just made a noise around the popcorn his mouth was currently full of.

“Tyler wants to have sex.” Alice blurted out. “And, you know, do other stuff.”

Eliot choked on the popcorn. Margo set the curling iron down.

“Oh?” Margo said, and her voice was very soft. Eliot knew it was too soft, but Alice was so wrapped up in finally saying what she had bottled up, that the words started falling out in a rush.

“Well, we’ve been dating for months now, and he said it is normal for us to like,  _ do it _ , or whatever.” Alice blushed. “But I’m just, I’m not sure. I’m a bit young, I think, like, I’m only 15, and um, I’m not on birth control.” She started nervously wiggling, and still hadn’t noticed how still and quiet her friends were. 

_ Probably a good thing,  _ Margo reasoned, _ she needs to get this out. _

_ I’ve never punched a LaCrosse player before, _ El thought, _ but I’m starting to wonder if that is gonna change. _

“Like, ah, he’s touched my boobs or whatever.” Alice continued. “While we were kissing, and that didn’t suck, I just wasn’t expecting it, you know?”

Margo sucked in a breath, and El gently touched her on the arm. 

“But he said that he’s gonna get blue balls? I tried looking it up at the library, but Zelda walked by, and I don’t want her thinking I’m having sex or whatever, so yeah, I don’t know what to do.” Alice finished. Then she looked up, and saw her friends faces in the mirror. They looked pissed. “Oh,” Alice said, curling inwards a little bit, “is this something I shouldn’t talk about? I’m sorry, I ah, we all knew when El gave Kyle a blow job the other week, and um, I want to talk about it...” She trailed off as Margo reached out and pet her head, and Eliot set aside his popcorn and plopped on the floor next to her.

“Kitty, you can talk to us about anything,” El said, firmly, grabbing her hand and squeezing it.

“But you look mad,” Alice said, in a small voice.

“We aren’t mad at you, darling,” Margo said, still in that soft voice. “We’re angry with that dickwad fuckshi….” Margo took a deep breath. “We’re upset with Tyler.”

“What did he do?” Alice asked, genuinely confused. “He hasn’t tried to make me have sex. He just asks when we are alone, and tells me reasons why we could.”

“Love,” El said, speaking slow, trying to say it just right. “There’s consent, and then there’s  _ consent. _ I’m really glad he didn’t try to shove his dick anywhere without you saying it was okay, but he shouldn’t have even touched your boobs without asking first.”

“He shouldn’t have gotten within a fucking foot of any part of your body you didn’t say he could get near,” Margo added, through gritted teeth. 

“Shit, Kitty,” Margo said, after a pause where Alice just looked at her. “I don’t know how to say this right. Can, ah, can I go grab my mom?”

“Margo!” Alice squeaked. “Your mom does not need to know about my sex life!” 

“Babe,” El said, patting her soothingly. “I promise, we won’t say anything specific. Mrs. H is the best as explaining this shit. When Kyle asked me out, she sat me down and had a whole talk with me, and it really helped.”

“Well, I don’t want to do that.” Alice said, starting to stiffen.

El and Margo exchanged a glance, and then El sighed.

“Of course, Kitty Cat, it is all about what you want, that’s the point.” He leaned his head back. “I guess I’ll do my best to do Mrs. H proud then, and explain things.”

A while later, Alice felt like she had a much better understanding of what consent meant. And it explained why she felt so weird about Tyler just reaching up and touching her boobs without asking first. 

Also, Margo made her repeat “blue balls aren’t fucking real, it’s a male construct designed to subjugate women” five times.

By the end of the night, Alice had perfectly curled hair  _ and _ she had dumped Tyler over text, because, as Margo said, “that’s what the fucker deserves for grabbing your tits without permission.”

\--

Tyler had a rough practice the next day, since Alice dumped him. He kept on missing shots and he wiped out three times.

But he made sure to tell all his teammates that he actually dumped her, or, in his words, he “hit it and quit it.” 

By the end of the next week he really regretted that decision. If he could have taken those words back, he would have, and oh fucking shit, boy did he try to. But it was too late.

\--

“You done crying yet, Alice?” A jock called out as Alice was walking through the cafeteria.

“I’m supposed to be crying, Ryan?” Alice asked, not sure why one of Tyler’s teammates was talking to her.

“Well, I figured you’d be a sobbing mess now that Tyler is done with you” Ryan snickered, laughing. “But don’t worry, now that you have some experience under your belt, I’ll help you dry your tears.”

“The fuck you mean?” Alice asked. She realized that Ryan was obviously talking about her breakup with Tyler, but she also had learned from all the shit with her mom that the best way to fuck with a bully was to ask logical questions until they shut up. And then just be upset later when they couldn’t see.

“Well,” Ryan said, starting to lose some steam, glancing around like he expected a teacher to be nearby. “He fucked and forgot you, we all know. No need to hide it.”

Alice nearly dropped her tray, and her face went white. “So you are offering me your services to help me get over him?” She asked, a scathing amount of sarcasm in her voice, and she was pretty sure it hid the shaking. He went silent at that, probably having expected her to have burst into tears by now.

She had just started making her legs work again, and was walking away, when Margo made it through the lunch line then and was right behind her. 

“Hey Kitty!” Margo trilled, but then she saw the look on Alice’s face, and the joy left her expression. “Who am I killing?” She asked in a low voice. Alice just shook her head and let Margo lead her to their regular table. Pale with absolute embarrassment, Alice filled Margo in. And then Alice had to physically grab Margo to stop her from going to knock the fucker's block off.

\--

Ten minutes later they casually walked from the dining hall to the bathroom. Margo made her wait so no one would notice and Ryan wouldn't get the satisfaction of knowing what he said had a real impact. When they got there, Kitty sobbed in her arms for the rest of the lunch hour, mortified that Ryan would talk to her like that. Or that Tyler would say something like that about her. 

Margo took after her step mom in a lot of ways. But in other ways, she was her father’s daughter, born and bred. He was a cool and calm businessman before anyone else. And no one crossed him. They definitely never crossed him a second time. 

Hansons get shit done, her dad always said. And Margo was a motherfucking Hanson. And sitting there on the floor, holding a crying Alice, Margo made a decision. She was going to fix this.

\--

“I’m going to fucking destroy them both.” Margo said calmly, later that night. Her and Eliot were sitting in her windowsill smoking one last cigarette before bed. 

“I’m going to fucking help.” Eliot replied.

They used the weekend to plan.

Thankfully, the library had a fair going on, so Alice was busy helping Zelda all weekend and therefore not around to notice the scheming Margo and Eliot were up to.

\--

Ryan was easy. They agreed that his was the lesser of two sins, as he had embarrassed Alice, but did not start the lie, only spread it around. Loudly. 

So Margo did not officially tell the class snitch about Ryan’s propensity to smoke weed between class and practice, but she may have spread the information around.

When he got busted by the principal for possession the next day, Margo looked at him as he was escorted down the hall.

“You gonna cry about it?” She asked him, a glint in her eye.

His eyes grew big in his face, and he opened his mouth to say something, but then the door to the office slammed shut, just like she had planned.

\--

El and Margo agreed that Tyler was a different story. Not only did he make Kitty care about him, he touched her without consent, tried to guilt her into sex, and then lied to the entire school about her. And Margo had spoken to his ex girlfriend Nessa, and apparently he had been handsy with her as well.

This was not going to fucking fly.

“What does he love?” Margo asked, in the middle of one of her and Eliot’s scheming sessions.

“Why the fuck do we care about what he loves?” Eliot said.

“It’s business, El.” Margo replied, rolling her eyes. “My dad always say you can fuck someone up way more if you know what they love, than if you know what they fear.”

“Damn, you Hansons don’t fuck around, Bambi.” Eliot said, grinning. “I love you.”

“Yeah yeah, love you too” Margo muttered, still thinking. “But we gotta concentrate. What does this fuck love?”

As soon as they got that sorted out, they knew what they had to do. 

\--

Alice was sitting by Margo and Eliot, waiting for Bigby to get to the band room so they could play their new song for her. She thought that her friends were acting strange, but couldn’t put her finger on why. Then the door opened. But instead of Bigby coming in, it was Tyler.

“I just wanted to apologize.” Tyler said, stiffly. He was sniffling, and his eyes were watery. “I was…” he paused as if he was remembering exactly what to say, “I was a complete fucking asswipe and you deserve better. I told the whole team I was lying and I promise I won’t bother you again.” He looked beyond Alice at Eliot and Margo, as though asking permission to leave, and at a slight nod from Eliot, he booked ass out.

“Okay,” Alice said, turning towards her friends. “What the fuck did you do?”

“Us?” Eliot asked, pretending to be shocked. “Why, however could you think we did something? Bambi, did I lay a finger on the lad?” 

“No Eliot, you did not not.” Margo said, eyes wide. “And did I harm so much as a hair on the boy’s head?”

“Never in a million years.” Eliot replied.

Alice looked at them, doing her best to appear stern. But then she broke into a grin. “Well, whatever you did or didn’t do,” she said, shaking her head, “thank you.”

\--

And to be fair, they hadn’t lied. 

Eliot did not lay…. A single finger on the lad.

And Margo did not harm…. So much as a hair on his head.

\--

Margo Hanson gets shit done. 

So does Eliot Waugh.


End file.
